


Got This- Almost Dropped This

by Asoreleks



Series: Juggling Daggers [2]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Comedy, Drama, F/M, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Romance, Slice of Life, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-31
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-08-28 07:28:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 38,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8436778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asoreleks/pseuds/Asoreleks
Summary: Little scenes that are part of the ‘Got This’ storyverse. The lives of our favourite gang as they continue to live smack-bang in the middle of crazy.





	1. Quinjet of Horrors: Dad-neto

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, Happy Halloween! Okay, I know it’s past Halloween for some of you but I had internet issues. But it’s still Halloween in the western hemisphere. 
> 
> These little snippets are related to my story ‘Got This’, and you’ll need to read that to get the references. 
> 
> So here is the first chapter, which I hope you like. It was inspired by a comment Zombieking079 made (Thanks!). The title is a nod to ‘The Simpsons’ ‘Treehouse of Horrors’ Halloween specials.

**Disclaimer: I don’t own Captain America, the Black Widow or the Avengers franchises. I don’t own any Marvel characters or Marvel Universe elements… yet (Mwhahahahahahaha!). Oh, and I also don’t own any other popularly recognisable characters, brands or iconography that are referred to in this text.**

 

Chapter One

 

Quinjet of Horrors: Dad-neto

 

Tuesday, 31 October 2017

This was a setup. It was a damn Darcy-orchestrated setup! Bucky had thought he was about to have a regular Halloween where he didn’t feel like a monster for the first time in years. He would actually get to play at being the cool guy- the kind who reminded him a little of his old self- which is why he agreed to the group costume he had arranged with the Maximoff twins.

 

Pietro and Wanda were going as Star Wars’ Luke and Leia and he would be dressed as Han Solo. Wanda went all out and dyed her hair to hide the red tinge in it and he and Pietro wore wigs. Wanda wore an all-white long dress and put her hair up into buns. Pietro dressed in black Jedi garb and got permission from Tony to use the lightsaber he had created that actually worked. The elder Maximoff twin could activate the thing and cut through objects. It was a device that was probably highly illegal and Pietro was under strict instructions that he should use it sparingly and in discreet company.

 

Bucky was plenty okay with wearing Han’s gear- it was infinitely better than being made to go shirtless and covered in glitter like Natalia once had made Steve do a couple of Halloweens back. Natalia also proved that she wasn’t completely sadistic when it came to Halloween: she had warned Bucky that he shouldn’t freak out when random people dressed as wookiees came up to him roaring. Apparently there was a rumour that Clint, Sam and Mystique had organised a prank to that effect. The Snickers Crown was up for grabs again, and this time it was the _Ultimate Crown of Snickers_ which was larger, more complexly crafted and most importantly made of more Snickers bars.   

 

But that evening, Bucky couldn’t have given a damn about tall people in furry suits. No, Pietro had trumped them all and Bucky couldn’t even complain about it, not if he wanted to make a good impression. He should have known something was up when Pietro, who did not even eat fast food, suddenly wanted to stop for a bite at a kitsch-themed burger joint. He had said he felt peckish and that his metabolism burnt things off real fast. Even weirder was the suggestion that they sit down to eat because they still had ages before Tony’s party.

 

The fast food restaurant was a small vibrant place with clashing colours and a U.F.O. motif. One could order at the counter and either take it to go or bring a tray to a table or booth. The tables were round or triangular shapes that resembled spaceships. The seats were red, green or blue plastic bucket chairs. The staff at the counter had to wear gimmicky space helmets, but thankfully they were half open or they wouldn’t be able to hear the customers’ orders. It was a little busy with families visiting after trick or treating in the neighbourhood. Innocent enough, but the night- or rather Pietro- had other plans for them.

 

Wanda had realised what was up first and turned to her twin as soon as they reached the counter queue and started to wail on him, yelling at him in Sokovian.

 

“Traitor! Pietro, you are an asshole! How can you do this to us? How could you lie?” Wanda hissed in her native tongue as she punched Pietro’s arms, landing her hits every single time despite the fact that Pietro was way faster than her.

 

Pietro got hold of her wrists and twisted her around so that he could push her ahead of him and huffed: “I’ll get the order. In the mean time you guys can sit with…”

 

Darth Vader.

 

Or Erik Lehnsherr, also known as Magneto, in a Darth Vader costume with the mask off. He was seated at a round table painted to look like a flying saucer.

 

What the hell, Bucky had thought. He had already been frozen. And he’d been anxious to do this for a while, but Wanda had said she did not want to introduce Erik to him yet. She needed to insure that Erik’s behaviour would not be embarrassing and she hadn’t found any evidence that assured her that he was capable of that in this situation.  But they’d found a great apartment three blocks away from Steve and Natalia’s house and were about to move in. It did not sit right with Bucky to be moving in with a dame and not have at least met her alive and kicking father, even if he was rumoured to be somewhat of a megalomaniac.

 

The grey-haired man who was still in possession of great looks stood up from the plastic table he was seated at and kissed his grumbling daughter on the cheek, doing the same to her brother before coming face to face with Bucky.

 

“Aren’t you going to introduce us Wanda?” Erik asked in smooth, low voice. His blue eyes were impassive and Bucky couldn’t get a read on him, but he figured that he was being assessed.

 

“Dad, this James Barnes, my boyfriend,” Wanda introduced through clenched teeth. “James, this my father, Erik Lehnsherr.”

 

“Pleased to meet you, sir,” Bucky greeted, falling back on his old charm that he had used when picking up girls for dates in the late thirties and assuring their fathers that he was a dependable guy who would have their daughters back home safe at an acceptable hour. It suddenly occurred to him that he was older than his girlfriend’s father. He held out his hand for a handshake.

 

“Hmm,” was Erik’s meagre response. He took Bucky’s hand and shook it firmly, confirming that he still had a lot of strength despite his aged appearance. He held Bucky’s gaze and only broke it to flick his eyes towards left arm- his vibranium metal skeleton arm.

 

“I’ll go get us our order,” Pietro announced in Sokovian.

 

“And I’ll walk straight out of here if you do anything horrible, Dad,” Wanda seethed. Bucky pulled out a chair for her and she plopped down into it and crossed her arms.

 

“Wanda, I mean no harm. On the contrary, I just wanted to meet the man you are so serious about and ensure that he has your best interests at heart,” Erik said as he flicked his cape back and sat down again. “It’s what any good father would do.”

 

Wanda snorted. Bucky squeezed her forearm as he sat down next to her and replied to Erik: “I completely understand, sir. In fact I was eager to meet you. But as you are Wanda and Pietro’s only living family, I felt that it would be best if I let her dictate when and where any meeting might happen when she was ready for it, sir.”

 

A medium-sized wookiee snarled at Bucky and he half smiled at the person and nodded in acknowledgement before they loped away. Erik watched the retreating person leave for a moment before his eyes slid back to Bucky. He raised a brow and then focused on his daughter.

 

“Do you have to wear that helmet indoors?” Wanda sighed, scrunching her face up as she reached over the table to attempt to take it off. Erik leaned back slightly to remain out of her grasp. Wanda frowned at her father, her mouth slightly agape. “Are you kidding me? Is your Magneto helmet concealed inside that Darth Vader helmet or something?”

 

Erik scoffed. “That helmet’s shape would not properly fit this helmet. This is an entirely new helmet with the same capabilities.”

 

“Don’t you think you’re being a little paranoid?” Wanda pointed out.

 

“No,” Erik answered bluntly. “The Universe saw fit to bless me with a daughter who can invade minds- the one thing I guard against with fervour. Of course I will take precaution wherever I go.”

 

“I really wouldn’t try to get in your head,” Wanda retorted. She added in a mumble: “Being in your head would probably make me angry and we’d be back to square one in this relationship.”

 

“A girl whom every one of her friends describes as sweet and caring is griping about taking her suitor to meet her father- It would be so easy to make this go smoothly if you gave us all a mental nudge,” Erik replied wryly.

 

“I did not take Bucky to meet you- this was a surprise for both of us. A horrible surprise orchestrated by my traitor brother whom I can only imagine organised this because he was arrested without my knowledge and needed someone to bend the jail cell bars and break him out!” Wanda accused.

 

“Wanda you are dating the former Winter Soldier. Of course I’m going to be worried,” Erik elucidated. “I’m a lot more experienced than you and I’ve heard all the rumours. Years ago I even thought perhaps if I should come across him myself, that I should like to challenge him and see if he is all that they say. But I’m no longer a young man and I just want to see that my daughter isn’t mixed up with someone undesirable.”

 

“I think she finds him plenty desirable,” Pietro smirked deviously as he suddenly appeared at their table with a tray. He dished out their sodas and sat down to his burger meal. Both Bucky and Wanda could not believe Pietro’s nonchalance after throwing that grenade into the conversation. Bucky knew that Pietro loved making Wanda’s life difficult for fun as a means to express his affection, but why was he being dragged into this? Bucky ran through the past couple of months in his mind wondering what he did that could have brought on this degree of vengeance.

 

Wanda broke her glare-off with her brother and turned her head back to her father chewing on the inside of her cheek to distract herself from slapping the back of Pietro’s head. “And pray tell, what could be undesirable about a man picked by the Asgardians to be their cultural liaison to Earth? A man who devotes countless hours to charity and is the best friend of the former Captain America- the guy who stood against the world for what he believed was right?”

 

Erik turned his pale blue gaze from his daughter’s green eyes to the icy grey regard of Bucky.

 

“Firstly, he has an exorbitantly long reputation as a ladies man,” Erik stated bringing up one finger on his left hand. Wanda rolled her eyes and sat back to fold her arms across her chest. Bucky took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly.   

 

“Secondly,” Erik tallied as he lifted a second finger, “he’s not even Jewish, Wanda. He’s Catholic. That’s like the most not-Jewish you can be.”

 

“That doesn’t even make sense,” Wanda argued.

 

“What will you do when you have children? A Jewish mother gives her children her faith,” Erik continued. “Are you going to argue with each other your whole life about this? Are you going to abandon your identity and convert?”

 

“You don’t even use your real name!” Wanda cried. “And I’m only twenty two. I’m not some breed-mule whose fertility span is the world’s measure of judgement of her worth!”

 

“Are you going to convert then,” Erik asked Bucky directly, throwing up his arms. “Are you prepared to go all the way and even get circumcised?”

 

“Dad!” Wanda hissed in mortification.

 

“Er-” Bucky stalled, thrown by the blatant question for a second.

 

“And have you been tested to see if you’re a Mutant?” Erik interrogated. “That’s the most important thing. I may be able to tolerate a Mutate whose mutant genes had to be artificially activated, but if you, Mister Barnes, are an ordinary boring human that’s just running around fuelled by steroids, so help me Wanda I will-”

 

“You’ll what?” Wanda demanded, jumping to her feet.

 

“I will-” Erik spluttered, his arms frantically gesturing in the air. “I’ll build an adamantium tower and lock you up in it!”

 

“Where would you get that much adamantium, just out of curiosity?” Pietro asked as he chewed on a fry.

 

Wanda snapped her head towards her brother and growled at him before she smacked at his head, which he deflected easily. Bucky tugged at Wanda’s elbow for her to sit down again, while Erik adjusted his sleeves and calmed himself.

 

“Wanda you are making a scene,” Erik said coolly as he tugged at his leather gloves.

 

“I am making a scene? You are the most embarrassing father in the world,” Wanda declared shrilly. She huffed and plonked back down in her seat.

 

“Hey, well at least he’s not like a professional genital piercer or something,” Pietro shrugged. “Imagine having to explain that in junior high school.”

 

“Oh really now, Pietro,” Erik chided half-heartedly. He removed a glove off of his left hand to reveal that he wore metal rings on each finger. The bands of metal on his middle and ring fingers softened into liquid metal as he spoke. “That’s just crass. Apologise to your sister.”

 

The liquid metal formed into a tiny snake that wriggled and curled around Erik’s fingers before dropping onto the table and slithering over to the salt holder, which was shaped like a banana rocket ship with two spacesuit clad monkey salt and pepper shakers seated in it.

 

“I do think though, if I ever gave that profession a try, I’d be excellent at it,” Erik remarked as the metal snake stabbed through the tip of the plastic banana and solidified into a curved barbell piercing.

 

“I will kill you both in your sleep,” Wanda vowed monotonously. She blushed bright red in fury and embarrassment. “You and Pietro are no longer family.”

 

“Come on, little sister,” Pietro laughed. “This is what family is for. Don’t deny us this fun.”

 

Just then a wookiee stopped at their table and hollered at Bucky for a whole thirty seconds. Bucky, Wanda and Erik stared at the intruder with confused disdain while Pietro stifled his sniggers. Bucky glanced around the room and judged the angles of the security cameras. They were probably being recorded by their friends. Everything was perfectly arranged for a good show. This awkward meeting would be digitally disseminated and stored in a various clouds.

 

The wookiee didn’t wait for a response and ran out of the restaurant. Why did they have to decide that the ‘Ultimate Crown of Snickers’ competition had to be held during Halloween week? Yeah sure, it was great to know that Clint would look ridiculous tonight after losing a bet against Natalia and Steve in which the losers had to dress as house elves on Halloween night (Natalia and Steve were safely dressed as Claire and Owen from Jurassic Park with their Beans dressed as velociraptors because that redhead had rigged the bet), but did he have to have wookiees randomly yelling at him in front of the father of the first girl he’d been this serious about ever?

 

“Did you do that?” Wanda asked Pietro venomously.

 

“How could I be in two places at once?” Pietro protested. Wanda rolled her eyes at him for purposely misunderstanding her accusation. “I’m fast but not that fast. Do you even need to be fast? No you need twinning powers or something and I’ve got you as a twin and unfortunately you’re nowhere near as awesome as I am.”

 

“Oh really,” Wanda provoked as she whipped out her phone. “You know, Vision and Natalia taught me some awesome hacking tricks. Really fast hacking tricks. Guess what? Your Instagram has seventy four new photos of you with bad hair. Yes, photos from when your hair frizzed during the Wakandan rainy season.”

 

Pietro’s mouth hung open with shock at the level of betrayal.

 

“Look, here’s the one where you split your pants and fell into rhino crap,” Wanda jeered as she showed her brother the phone.

 

“I am your only brother,” Pietro gasped. Both twins furtively looked at Erik to confirm.

 

“Possibly- probably,” Erik shrugged as he played with the metal of his remaining rings letting it slip and slide around his fingers. “Do you have children, Mister Barnes?”

 

“Errrr Naaaaaaw no, no sir,” Bucky answered unsurely. Erik looked at Wanda as if to say ‘see, I warned you’.

 

“You could have step children older than you, Wanda dear,” Erik mused.

 

“You’re being so unfair,” Wanda reproached. “I love James. He’s a good man. He understands me and loves me back. He’s been through a lot so we don’t need you being such a dickhead. Really, I can’t understand why you’re being like this.”

 

Wanda’s skin was beginning to flicker with a red glow. She was genuinely upset, and this was not the place for the Scarlet Witch to get upset. Bucky put his hand over hers reassuringly.

 

“Wanda,” he said gently, willing her to look him in the eye. Wanda inhaled deeply, and shuddered out an exhale.

 

“I am going to the rest room to freshen up. When I get back, Erik you had better have apologised to Yasha. You too Pietro,” Wanda commanded. She got to her feet and gingerly wove her way through the tables to the women’s rest rooms in the back, careful not to touch anything or anyone.

 

“Look, sir, I think we got off on the wrong foot,” Bucky said earnestly as a five foot wookiee skipped passed the table roaring.

 

“Stop the ‘sir’ crap, Barnes,” Erik instructed. “You’re not that Golden Labrador, Steve Rogers. My name is Erik and you’re fucking older than me.”

 

“Steve Rogers is my best friend and not a fucking chump,” Bucky bit before he actively relaxed again. “Erik, I think we started on the wrong foot.”

 

“Yes, you got off on the wrong foot being in the same state as I have been residing in for the past almost seven months without once making the effort to introduce yourself and assure me that my daughter is not sleeping with a maniac likely to snap and hurt her,” Erik chastised.

 

“Yasha, dude, you’re my bro,” Pietro chipped in. “But this is my little sister. And this is my father. I can’t threaten your life if you hurt her, because I’m not sure you’d believe me. But Erik has often been a rabid lunatic. You understand, right?”

 

“You understand, that I trust no one,” Erik told Bucky as he raised his gloveless hand up. Bucky’s left hand lifted as well and moved to Bucky’s throat. “But I am not some unfeeling monster. On the contrary I feel deeply and often violently.”

 

Erik’s sleeve dropped to reveal part of his left forearm as he clenched his left fist and Bucky’s left hand under Magneto’s powers closed around his throat strangling its owner. Bucky fought the crushing appendage, but refused to break eye contact with his opponent.

 

“I don’t know if you’re a monster that feels, Barnes. I don’t know if I should let my daughter keep you. I don’t know if I should let her continue on still deluded that you’re some poor wild animal that has somehow been tamed endearing yourself to her, protecting her against others and winning a place in her fragile heart; or if you’ll maul her one day,” Erik revealed in a distant voice.

 

“That’s enough, Erik,” Pietro warned. Magneto kept Bucky in his invisible grip. “Dad, that’s enough!”

 

Magneto released his control and Bucky’s hand slammed onto the table with the force of his own body’s instruction to pull it away from his throat.

 

Buffy panted deeply as he continued to stare Erik in the eye boldly. Pietro glanced between them, his expression wary and regretful.

 

“I’ve seen that mark on your forearm before,” Bucky confessed quietly. “I’ve seen many like it. I saw the other men, the test subjects who endured the experiments like I did. I’ve seen women and children with that brand. I know the evil of the men who administered them. You were just a child then, weren’t you?”

 

Erik’s stony expression remained steadfast as he glared at Bucky.

 

“I know what it’s like to be trapped by those men with no power to escape the horror. There are so few people still left living today who really understand that,” Bucky continued with quiet strength. “And I know that the same people who made you feel that way snuck away into the shadows and then stole your children, and twisted their lives. You have darkness and rage for that. I have darkness and rage for that, and for what they did to me, what they did to the poor souls who did not survive the experiments and whose bodies they discarded with no respect at all, for the children they made me kill to teach others an insane lesson, for all the innocent people they made me kill and the ones they left behind. That darkness in me fuels the rage that goes into ensuring that nothing like that will ever happen to your daughter, or your son or any other human being. That’s what I live for. My second chance at life is for that mission.”

 

The two men sat scrutinising each other in silence, one vibrating with the need to show the other that his word was true and from the heart, the other absorbing it all so he could decide whether he should believe. Both were watched by a son, who’d glimpsed a part of the injured humanity he almost understood but knew that even with the memory of his childhood’s terrible circumstances he did not fully grasp.  

 

“Very well then,” Erik decided. “We understand each other. Now perhaps we can pretend like we’ve made up for Wanda’s sake. We’ve met each other’s direct essences through our eyes. We have somewhere to start this relationship from.”

 

“Then, pleased to meet you Erik, I’m James Barnes- my friends call me Bucky,” Bucky introduced himself anew with an outstretched hand.

 

Erik took his hand and shook it. “I will still grievously injure you if you hurt my daughter.”

 

“You’re welcome to, but it’s not going to happen,” Bucky stated.

 

The door leading to the rest rooms banged open and Wanda stomped through dragging a costumed person with her. Hauling the red-painted person up to their table, she sarcastically declared to their little group: “Look who we have here!”

 

Upon inspection, the red person was revealed to be none other than Tony dressed in a marabou fluff collared red pleather dress and black thigh high boots. His hair was slicked back and three helium inflated power puff girl balloons were attached to his black waist belt. Only because Bucky and Darcy had held a seminar on late nineties cartoons at the Asgardian Embassy the week before did Bucky know that Tony was dressed as _Him_.

 

“This idiot was in there with a whole lot of wookiees orchestrating some prank with Darcy!” Wanda revealed. Behind her twenty three other wookiees streamed out from the restroom door, some of them roaring half-heartedly and skipping away.

 

“She’s not even in the Snickers Crown league,” Bucky stated dumbly. “You need to pull off a prank simultaneously on at least three original members of the league if you want in.”

 

“Mystique used her status as the most crowned member and let Darcy in because she likes her,” Tony shrugged. “All she had to do was convince Thor to go to some Halloween charity gala dressed as He-man, meaning in a just loincloth and with lots of hairspray in his hair, and be auctioned off as a date. Somehow she actually got Jane to agree to the whole thing. That woman could take over from Coulson if he ever decides to retire.”

 

He swerved around to Erik and asked convivially: “You know, if you ever want to leave the super-villain game I could use a man like you at Stark Industries. We could build some awesome stuff with my mind and your powers.”

 

“That’s a bad idea, Tony,” Wanda reminded him. “We don’t need _you_ and _my father_ teaming up to build anything. There’ll be another apocalypse for sure.”

 

“We can call you if we need anything metal dismantled though right?” Tony inquired. “Because we often need things made of metal dismantled during apocalyptic situations.”

 

“Excuse me mister, can we get your autograph?” A little girl dressed as a werewolf asked, holding out a pen and scrap of paper to Erik as she stood next to her brother who was wrapped up in bandages dressed as a mummy. “We saw you just now and our mom would love an autograph from the _real_ Darth Vader.”

 

Wanda turned slowly to the men still seated at the table and glared at each one of them in turn before landing on her father last.

 

“What did you do, Dad?!”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There, the ‘shovel talk’.
> 
> Yes, it had hijinks, but there was a serious core. I tried to show the vulnerability of the characters, and my belief that neither Bucky nor Magneto are villains. Horrible things happened that shaped them into the men that they are, but both my Bucky and my Magneto do care about Wanda. Magneto searches for something to prove that Bucky is a danger because he was the Winter Soldier, and if you lived long enough with contact to the underbelly of society then you heard about him. Bucky understands Magneto, even though they are different because they’ve seen the horrors of humanity’s bad side. 
> 
> I hope this chapter worked.


	2. Daddy With The Long Legs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one’s short, but I hope you all like it.

 

**Disclaimer: I don’t own Captain America, the Black Widow or the Avengers franchises. I don’t own any Marvel characters or Marvel Universe elements… yet (Mwhahahahahahaha!). Oh, and I also don’t own any other popularly recognisable characters, brands or iconography that are referred to in this text.**

 

Chapter Two

 

Daddy With The Long Legs

 

Sunday, 30 July 2017

Damn Steve and his tall-person kitchen.

 

It was eight o’clock in the morning and Natalia was glowering up at the highest shelf of their kitchen cabinets where she could just see the edge of the waffle-iron. Everyone was coming to theirs for their weekly brunch at nine-thirty and she wanted to get everything set-up so she could start on her preparations. She needed to wipe-down the waffle-iron because it hadn’t been used since last week, and Natalia was fanatical about dust removal in her living space. Except to do that she needed to get it down from the top shelf where all the light appliances they did not use every day were kept, and it had been pushed deep into the cupboard. If it was at the very edge she could probably have managed by standing on her tip-toes. But it was not, so she’d have to ninja this one or get a stepladder.

 

She’d already endured a strenuous ascent up their most challenging rock-climbing facilities at their fitness company, The Courage Corp, that morning during training with Sam and Wanda, and she was so not in the mood to climb up anything else more taxing than the stairs leading to the second storey of their converted firehouse home. As for a stepladder, well, it hurt her pride to use one. So she resorted to the solution she’d used with surprising frequency over the past month that the Rogers family had lived there.  

 

“Steeeeeevvve?” Natalia yelled for her husband over the babbling din her twins were making on the floor confined by a playpen. “Steve?”

 

“Yeah,” Steve answered from their bedroom upstairs.

 

“Steve!” Natalia yelled again. She assumed her husband was rolling his eyes or the like in the silence that followed. Soon enough the sound of his feet plodding down the staircase reached her ears and her husband appeared in their open plan kitchen-diner.

 

“I need the waffle-iron,” Natalia told him and gestured expectantly at the object high above her.

 

Steve sighed knowing that it was his own fault for not taking Natalia’s height into account when designing the kitchen. She’d helped select the stone, the tile, the wood and the finishes as well as the look of the design, but Steve had just gone ahead with what measurements seemed great to him. And when they had come to inspect the site during the renovations, Natalia had been distracted by the fact that they’d left the twins in the care of their godfathers back at the Avengers Tower and that it was the first time that the twins were without the company of at least one of their parents since the couple had appeared at the United Nations General Assembly so she wasn’t thinking about how she wasn’t going to be able to easily access the top shelves of the tall cabinetry. According to Natalia, she was entitled to torture him a little for that oversight, and she did so regularly by ordering Steve to get things down for her that she couldn’t reach without some effort. Her husband trudged over and easily picked up the waffle-iron and set it on the counter for her.

 

“Anything else?” Steve asked. He leaned down and laid a peck on the tip of Natalia’s nose as she glared at him for the tiny bit of sass she detected in his tone. “Or can I go watch the sports highlights quickly before we start all of this?”

 

“No, that’s all. But I expect you to cut up the fruit salad with the shape-cutters I laid out,” Natalia informed him. “Don’t look at me like that. You have a cooking show, and Lila and Nathan like it when we do that.”

 

“Our show is dedicated to recipes for delicious fuss-free food,” Steve protested as he stepped backwards, slinking towards the TV room.

 

“So you deny the fact that you personally demonstrated how to cut a strawberry rose garnish for crepes in last week’s episode?” Natalia scoffed.

 

Steve made an unintelligible noise of complaint, which Natalia would have scolded him for if he hadn’t taken the opportunity to skedaddle away so he could go and find out all the important highlights of the weekend’s sports fixtures so he’d be up to date for the inevitable sports debate at brunch later on.

 

Natalia continued on with laying out ingredients such as eggs and butter so that they would be room temperature and ready for use when she needed them. The Beans sang and burbled to each other, playing with what was probably the most annoying toy to ever be invented.

 

Naturally that toy had been invented by Tony. He’d decided that since the Stark Group was focusing more and more on education initiatives, that it would be a good idea for Stark Industries to develop an educational toys line. They were in the process of fine-tuning their infant toys and after they had been put through rigorous safety tests Tony brought over prototypes of toys for the Beans to so he could assess whether babies would actually like them.

 

The Beans’ favourite toy was a console that had buttons with pictures of various animals and objects, which when pressed played the sounds those animals and objects made. Most infant toy companies had a variant of such an object in their catalogue, but of course Tony’s was different: Instead of just one sound played at a time, the console allowed the user to pick up to four sounds to play simultaneously. That meant you could listen to a lion, an elephant, a train and a whale at the same time. Natalia had no idea what the point of being able to do that was, she just knew that the thing was gratingly irritating but James and Demelza loved it. She let them play with it, but play time with the console was limited to two fifteen minute sessions a day.

 

Natalia had finished up gathering her ingredients and decided to end the cacophony coming from the playpen before she started on her choc-chip waffle batter. She picked up the toy from between the two nearly eight month olds and placed it on an eye-level shelf in the cookbook bookcase next to the kitchen cabinets. She needed counter space and wasn’t going to leave the room to put the toy in their toy-box and leave the two curious twins on their own in the kitchen. James and Demelza griped furiously at the confiscation of their beloved plastic sound machine, but were appeased somewhat when they were placed in their separate walkers.

 

The two adorable redheaded cherubs rolled around happily for a few minutes while Natalia measured and combined ingredients in a batter bowl. They captured her full attention again when Demelza made a grunt of protest, shortly followed by one from James. Hoping that they hadn’t started bickering, Natalia turned her head to them, to find that they were both in front of the book case, reaching up towards the blasted sound machine console. James bounced in his seat and Demelza had turned her blue eyes imploringly on her mother, squealing a request for help.

 

“No,” Natalia told them in Russian. “You’ve had enough for this morning. You can play again after naptime.”

 

The twins concentrated their blue and green gazes upon Natalia beseechingly before they both squealed and squawked for her to help them.

 

“No,” Natalia told them firmly, giving them a serious look which was only about one percent on the scale of severity that she could muster up in a glare. The crimson-haired twins looked at her and then at the sound machine that was too high up for them to reach. Natalia decided that if she ignored their pleading they would understand that it was not going to happen and that they would move onto playing with the little mobiles and rattles that their walkers had attached to them.

 

Steve was seated comfortably on the squishy dark brown leather sofa in the TV room, reading the scores on the screen while the announcer covered the highlights. He’d been absorbed in a shot of a home run, when he heard something unusual coming from the kitchen.

 

“Steeb!” a little voice shouted.

 

“Steeb! Steeb!” two little voices yelled.

 

He got up and jogged to the kitchen, confusion written all over his face. When he got there he was met with the sight of his wife, with her hands clasped over her mouth and nose, tears in her eyes and her shoulders shaking with silent laughter.

 

“Steeb! Steeb! Steeb! Steeb!” James and Demelza were hollering. Demelza had twisted around to face the door where her father stood and James was reaching with all the might his tiny body could allow him to stretch towards that annoying plastic sound machine console that Tony had given them.

 

“Is that-” Steve hesitated, “Is that their first real word?”

 

Natalia dropped her hands from her mouth and nodded an affirmative vigorously. With a big grin on her face she told him: “They needed a tall person to help them get something they wanted from a high shelf.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to write a little domestic fluff with the Beans and I was inspired by how an eight month old I know can say the names of two dogs perfectly because she hears their names being called so often. I was also inspired by how I can never get anything from the top shelf of one of my mother’s kitchen cabinets where she keeps headache tablets etcetera, and I always have to ask my 6 foot 5 younger brother (I’m 5’5”and a ½) to get it for me if I don’t feel like getting a stepladder, or chair, or doing a weird jump or launching myself into a lift against the counter. My sister who is shorter than me does a twisting jump to sit on the counter so she can reach.


	3. Queen of Snickers- Making of a Legend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a Snickers bar for the first time in ages- one of those double ones. It was so good. It was inspiring. Autumn_Froste wanted to know about Clint and Mystique’s prank on Sam, so here it is. Note that this takes place back in Wakanda.

 

**Disclaimer: I don’t own Captain America, the Black Widow or the Avengers franchises. I don’t own any Marvel characters or Marvel Universe elements… yet (Mwhahahahahahaha!). Oh, and I also don’t own any other popularly recognisable characters, brands or iconography that are referred to in this text.**

 

Chapter Three

 

Queen of Snickers- Making of a Legend

 

Monday, 15 August 2016

Sam would have never guessed that being such a great, attentive uncle would have led to all of this. Clint would never have foreseen that the actions of his innocent daughter would have led to a war that lasted a lifetime and spanned generations. But that’s what started it all.

 

“Hey Dad,” Lila Barton sing-songed in that tone of voice that Clint knew meant that she was about to ask for something she really wanted. “Can I get a falcon?”

 

“What?” Clint replied flatly dropping the newspaper he’d been reading at the early morning breakfast he was sharing with his kids, wife and Natalia. Lila was gazing at him with big googly eyes that implored him to agree to her request. Laura frowned at the unusual choice of animal, but Natalia was not even trying to hide her smirk.

 

“A falcon, Daddy,” Lila repeated. She stirred her coco-pops as she expounded on the matter. “I asked Uncle Sam why he chose to be called ‘Falcon’ and he told me all about how cool falcons are and do you know that you can keep falcons sort of like pets, but not really because they’re still real predators, and train them? It’s called _falconry_.”

 

“You have to wear this special glove and then the falcon flies to you and lands on your hand,” Lila continued to explain, gesturing a glove and a bird swooping down to land on it with her hands. “Uncle T’Challa has falcons and we went to go see them yesterday with him, Aunty Nat and Uncle Sam while you and Mom went on that boat ride. The falcon even landed on my arm.”

 

“They had the proper gloves on Laura,” Natalia assured the slightly concerned woman next to her.

 

“It landed on my arm too,” Cooper pointed out.

 

“And Nate even touched it!” Lila added brightly.

 

“They’re really cool,” Cooper enthused.

 

“And so beautiful! Can we get one, please Daddy?” Lila pleaded.

 

Clint was left having to offer the excuse that he’d think about it- like hell he’d think about it! What was the world coming to when the children of _Hawkeye_ wanted a  falcon? He couldn’t be undermined like that, he couldn’t let their minds be brainwashed! Laura said it was a ridiculous request, like that time Cooper wanted an albino python, and that all kids had those kinds of fanciful ideas and just because they were currently residing in a palace where leopards lounged and strolled through parts like revered animal familiars did not mean that they would be acquiescing to their daughter’s whim for an exotic pet. 

 

Still Clint was sure that Sam had been trying to be the cool uncle, the one cooler than the Mr Dad he was. In actuality, all the uncles were pretty cool. But damn it, Sam had a raptor bird moniker too and he had wings and could fly! Clint felt like Woody when Buzz Lightyear arrived. It did not help that the guys would let Clint sleep in a little and did not drag him out of bed for their crazy training schedule. They did that to Sam, and he wasn’t the one glaring at a ‘dad-bod’ when he looked at his reflection.

 

But Clint knew he still had it, and he had expertise that Sam could never best him on. He’d use his Hawkeye skills to prove he was the cooler raptor bird, and Sam wouldn’t even see him coming. All Clint had to do was figure out what the hell he was going to do- which is why he was slithering around in the air-ducts of the Wakandan Royal Palace, looking for an opportunity to strike.

 

It wasn’t like he was actually peeved at Sam. A moment’s reflection had told him that he was just annoyed that he wasn’t the hero occupying his kids’ attention right at that moment. He just needed to remind Sam, that even if his kids thought falcons were cool now hawks would always be better.

 

So when he rounded a corner at the same time as Mystique entered the same stretch of air duct, it was like serendipity.

 

Clint eyed the blonde stranger cautiously before her skin flashed blue and her hair turned red for a second.

 

“S’up Mystique,” Clint greeted in an undertone. “Does Nat know you’re here?”

 

“Just ran into her outside,” Mystique answered. “I was making my way to where I could create my official arrival- y’know, one where I’m not accused of being a spy or an assassin.”

 

“Cool,” Clint nodded. “Hey, how are you at pranking?”

 

The dark blond man looked at the golden blonde woman who was also on her stomach expectantly.

 

“I’m me. Most of my life is sort of pranking someone,” Mystique replied with a smile. “Pranking with a cause though.”

 

“Well, I have a cause and I need reinforcements,” Clint told her. “Otherwise I’m going to have to slither around here following my target whispering hisses and that the Chamber of Secrets has been opened.”

 

“Well, we should do that anyway to whomever you’re targeting, just for kicks,” Mystique concluded. “But I’m sure the two of us working together can come up with something more… thrilling.”

 

@>-`-,----

 

“Told you I could get us a great view without them noticing,” Sam boasted. “Redwing always comes through, don’t you my favourite little mechanical falcon?”

 

“You’re talking to a robot bird,” Natalia commented as she chewed on a frozen Snickers bar and observed Victoria on the terrace waiting to meet with Steve for the first time from Sam’s laptop with Sam and Clint in the former’s suite.

 

“Sam’s just a cult missionary concerned with spreading his falcon worship,” Clint chuckled as he leaned against the wall with his arms crossed.

 

“Haha,” Natalia laughed. “Sam, you won’t believe what Lila asked Clint for this morning: a falcon! Clint looked like _he_ was about to start preaching the superiority of hawks at her.”

 

“Well, we can’t blame a smart kid like her for recognising the superior raptor,” Sam smirked over his shoulder at Clint teasingly.

 

“Whatever man,” Clint sighed. “You’re my friend so I’ll let it slide. If it was back when I was first initiated, then maybe I’d have come after you.”

 

“Initiated?” Sam asked curiously.

 

“Yeah, I had to earn the right to be known as Hawkeye,” Clint shrugged. “I had to go through a spiritual journey. It was heck of a lot of meditation and communing with my totem animal. If it was back then, my Guardian Hawk Spirit would probably have tried to destroy you or something.”

 

“Guardian Hawk Spirit?” Sam repeated disbelievingly. “Yeah, right. You’re just trying to mess with me.”

 

“No actually,” Natalia interjected as she tapped the mouse pad on the laptop to check on Steve and Bucky’s progress towards the Palace. Clint knew he could always count on Nat to back him up even if she had no idea of the scheme he was running. “He really did go through a spiritual journey. He goes on a retreat every year to reconnect with his Guardian Spirit. Last year he went to Morocco.”

 

“Okay, now I know that you’re both messing with me,” Sam scoffed.

 

“We’re living in a country whose ruler has to go through a physical and spiritual trial to prove he can embody the spirit of the black panther just so he can assume the throne,” Clint reasoned. “Why would I be making this up? My Hawk Spirit would be insulted, but I’m an old man so I know I can’t do anything about sceptics.”

 

Sam scrutinised Clint and Natalia until the redhead pointed out that Steve was three minutes from the Guest Quarters. Clint said he’d prefer to observe from the trees to make it more fun for himself and promised to film his viewpoint and stream it to them before he slipped out of the room.

 

@>-`-,----

 

Sam was munching on an after-dinner sandwich, chuckling to himself over the events of the afternoon and how utterly ridiculous Victoria had rendered Steve and Bucky. Dinner was so awkward for Bucky. And then the flurry of last minute wedding planning had Victoria looking like she was going to challenge Bucky to a duel with swords or something. All of that would have to wait though: they still had to take Steve out on a Stag-do outing. They still had a few hours before that though.

 

The oddest noise sounded behind him and Sam froze. It sounded like the cry of a bird- he knew it wasn’t a falcon, but it was a large predator bird. It sounded sort of like a hawk. And it came from somewhere between the ceiling and the top of the kitchen cabinets. It had to be coming from the air ducts. Could there have been a bird in there? Or was it something more like Clint trying to prank him? But Clint was right there in front of him playing video games with Cooper. Nat was currently too large to fit in the air ducts comfortably.

 

Sam decided that Clint had probably left an audio device in the air ducts and was controlling it by remote and playing a hawk’s cry to try to freak him out. Sam knew that the best thing to do was to ignore the noise and pretend he hadn’t noticed it. If one investigated every suspicious occurrence while in the company of his friends, one was likely to land up with sparkly pink goo on their heads courtesy of someone like Tony. Tony wasn’t there, but Clint could be just as bad.

 

@>-`-,----

 

It was one eighteen in the morning and Sam was resting his eyes in his room before he and Bucky were scheduled to kidnap Steve for the trip to the waterfalls that would be his bachelor’s outing. His curtains were open letting the view of the dark dense Wakandan jungle beyond his balcony stream in.

 

“Keeeeychh!” screeched a hawk. “Keeeeeeychh!”

 

Sam opened his eyes to roll them, knowing that Clint was determined. He had just settled his gaze on the curtains when a silhouette moved in the treeline. It was about Clint’s height and build. Sam sighed and got up to wait for Clint in the upstairs lounge where he was bound to catch the dark blond man returning from his attempt to scare him.

 

But Clint was already present when Sam got there, and had a fussing Nathaniel in his arms.

 

“Little guy can’t sleep,” Clint said tiredly. “I’m probably not going to get any shut eye before we do this waterfall diving thing. Not the safest idea, but my whole life has been a not safe idea.”

 

“Have you been here the whole time?” Sam questioned with a hint of incredulity in his voice.

 

“Yeah,” Clint answered. “I tried playing with Nate for a little while to tire him out in the nursery, but he’s determined to come along with us on this bachelor party or something.”

 

“So you weren’t outside?” Sam clarified.

 

“There are leopards outside right now,” Clint scoffed. “I wouldn’t go out there on my own unless it’s absolutely necessary. I don’t wanna be dragged off and have you guys find my mangled shorts as the only means to identify me.”

 

“Yeah, I must’ve seen a leopard,” Sam mumbled to himself.

 

“What, did you see something?” Clint asked with concern.

 

“Yeah, I thought I saw you and that you were pranking me,” Sam responded.

 

“Well Nat’s blood sister, Raven pitched up earlier. Maybe she had a tail?” Clint theorised. “We better check with security. Clint shifted Nathan in his arms as he got up to make the call to Palace Security on the telephone mounted on the wall. He put it on speaker so that he could continue to hold Nathaniel comfortably. “Hi this is Clint Barton.”

 

“Good Evening, Mr Barton,” A smooth Wakandan female voice answered. “What can we do for you this evening?”

 

“Well, Mr Wilson says he thought he saw a person outside the guest quarters,” Clint turned to Sam with a questioning look and Sam nodded that Clint’s assumption was correct.

 

“Yes, in the treeline,” Sam explained.

 

“We can check the footage,” the Wakandan security official told them. A short pause passed. “There seems to be nothing but wildlife out there tonight, sirs. We can send you the night camera footage and the thermal read outs as well if that would assure you. We will of course send a team to check it out as well- that’s protocol.”

 

“Thanks, I think it’ll be okay,” Sam supposed as he shook his head wonderingly. “I must have seen an animal.”

 

“Thanks for your help,” Clint ended the call. Clint turned to Sam, “Hey, maybe you should get a little shut eye before we leave. Your eyes were probably tired. I’ll wake you when we need to get ready.”

 

“Thanks man,” Sam murmured distractedly as he headed back to his room.

 

Clint watched him leave, knowing that it would be best not to smirk- just in case. Mystique’s plan was pretty insidious and a hell of a lot of fun.  

 

@>-`-,----

 

Wednesday, 17 August 2016

Sam and Bucky were lounging downstairs on the big grey sofa, playing video games. Steve and Natalia had left early that morning for a little honeymoon at a Royal Lake Retreat- after Vision had left for New York again that is. The wedding celebrations had been quite boisterous and the inhabitants of the Guest Quarters of the Wakandan Royal Palace were all recovering from them. Even Bucky and Pietro had only awoken after eleven that morning.

 

“Pause,” Bucky groaned from his position draped upside down on the sofa with his calves hanging over the back and his head near the floor. “I need… coconut water, or something.”

 

“Please don’t tell me you believe this coconut water B.S.,” Sam drawled as he paused the game. He was sprawled on his side, looking at the game with his head askew. 

 

“I don’t care, it’s working. I need more coconut water,” Bucky moaned as he rolled over and trudged into the kitchen.

 

Sam sighed and stared at the mostly dark screen. He could see the green foliage outside reflected on the glass of the TV screen. He blinked slowly, and opened his eyes to focus on the screen again. An unsmiling Clint, dressed in his Hawkeye gear, was reflected standing just outside and the sudden appearance made Sam start. He whipped around to face his friend and yell at him for scaring him, but there was nothing but foliage when he looked. Sam leapt up and ran over to the glass floor to ceiling length wall and pressed up against it to check if anyone was running away just out of his scope of vision along the side of the building. There was no one.

 

“Hey guys,” Clint’s voice greeted from behind him. Sam spun around to see that Clint had entered with T’Challa from the opposite direction. “We were going to watch ‘The Birds’ in the cinema room. Y’all interested? Wanda, Victoria, Ivan, Raven, Ororo, Pietro and Cooper are going to watch too.”

 

“I’ve been meaning to watch that,” Bucky announced as he continued to rummage in the refrigerator. “Stevie and Nata told me I had to. It wasn’t covered in the cultural information classes they gave us back then and I didn’t get the chance to sneak out to see it.”

 

“Yup, sure we’ll watch,” Sam answered with forced casualness. His anxiety was obvious though.

 

Clint expertly suppressed a devious smile and thanked his lucky stars that Pietro loved a good prank. He’d been recruited for Mystique’s plan. Having been to Professor Xavier’s school, Pietro had heard about the Mutant Mystique and knew some of what she could do. The young man said it was an honour to be part of her ploy.

 

@>-`,----

 

Sam was confused. He didn’t know if his eyes were playing tricks on him or what. He’d thought he’d seen Clint outside twice now, but then seen him straight away right after the sightings and there was no way he could have dashed back inside and gotten changed into regular clothes as opposed to the Hawkeye uniform he had seen him wearing outside. It was like he was a wizard or something.

 

“Keeeeychhh!” It was that damn hawk screech again. “Keeeeeeychhh!” Except now, after just having watched ‘The Birds’, Sam was feeling a tiny bit nervous around any kind of avian creature even if it was one of the variety that he’d gotten his Avengers moniker from.

 

Sam was edging his way back into his suite through his sliding doors, when he spotted the person on the edge of the terrace. He was close enough to see, that it was fucking Clint!

 

Except, Sam could see Clint was playing with the kids and laughing with Laura indoors from his vantage point.

 

Just then lightning struck, illuminating the being standing at the edge of the terrace. Sam flinched instinctively at the natural phenomenon lighting up the sky and charging the air. The thing that looked like Clint slowly glanced up at Sam and he saw that its eyes were yellow. It stepped back into the trees and disappeared. Sam called security, but there was no trace of the doppelganger. No night camera footage. No thermal images. No witness accounts other than his own.

 

Sam went to bed that night feeling extremely paranoid. It took him ages to fall asleep, but eventually he did fall into a fitful slumber. He dreamt about the Clint doppelganger standing at the foot of his bed, his eyes yellow and his body glowing red faintly and everyday objects flying around the room.

 

When Sam grumbled about the weird dream to Clint early the next morning when he rose early because Sam couldn’t stand to force himself to try to sleep any longer, Clint listened with an expression of concern and tried to offer sage advice about dealing with odd nightmares. Clint was so glad that Mystique had roped Wanda into the plot.

 

@>-`-,----

 

Friday, 19 August 2016

It was that murky hour of twilight, and they really should have been inside with how the mosquitoes could have gorged themselves on their blood, but Sam and the kids were having too much fun playing hide and seek.

 

Wanda was ‘it’ and was not allowed to use her powers. Bucky had chosen the most ridiculous hiding place: right behind Wanda. He was either going to be able to block himself or get caught immediately. But Sam knew that Bucky was putting the moves on Wanda, so perhaps he was actually just ‘turning himself in’. He was the ex-Winter Soldier after all and it did take Steve and Sam _years_ to track him down. All the earnest flirty exchanges between the two over the past month were enough to cement Sam’s convictions that Bucky was falling for Wanda and she for him.

 

That aside, Wanda was still a good seeker and the best place to hide was the West Maze in the formal gardens. The hedges had been planted at T’Challa’s great-grandmother’s request and had grown jungle-enormous. You had to know your way around the maze and all the shortcuts or you’d be in there for hours. Luckily, Sam, Cooper and Lila knew the maze very well, which is why it was their favourite hiding place.

 

Sam had about as much energy as the Barton children. He’d gotten a full night’s sleep and not had any ‘hawk’ incidents. He figured that he must have been imagining things because he had been sleep-deprived. Getting to slack off on training because Steve was on honeymoon was pretty sweet. Being competitive in a child’s game was more fun than being competitive about push-ups. Sam was having a good time.

 

Lila had already claimed the best hiding spot, which was under the belly of a large bronze panther statue leaping out of a corner of the maze. Cooper had chosen the alcove in the hedge behind the fountain. Sam knew the only place left to him that he actually fit in as an adult was the little bit of hedge where there was a slight gap between the leaves of the shrub and the ground. He would have to lie very flat to slip under and blend into the hedge. Hopefully there were no snakes in there. No one their group had ever encountered a snake in that spot, but this was tropical equatorial Africa. Sam was not going to give himself away by screaming.

 

“Ready or not!” Wanda yelled in the distance. “One, two, three- I block Bucky!”

 

Sam knew he had to sprint if he was going to squeeze himself into his hiding place before Wanda had a chance to run around the perimeter of the maze and enter from the exit. The gap in the hedge was about thirty metres from the exit arch. Sam had to roll artfully so he wouldn’t leave any tell-tale skid-marks in the grass leading to his hiding place. He shuffled his body in and turned his head to face out so he could watch for Wanda.

 

“Eeek!” Lila’s high-pitched joyful scream could be heard. A scramble followed as Wanda and Lila raced to the tree where Wanda had been made to count to seventy slowly after selecting the number in ‘Snakey, snakey, on the wall, which finger should I pull?’ and choosing the slow option after picking the wrong hand in ‘fast-slow’.

 

“One two three- I block myself!” Lila could be heard yelling. That meant it was just Sam and Cooper left out there and it was so very quiet.

 

“Keeeeeychhh!” A hawk’s cry cut through the heavy silence. Sam tensed immediately. “Keeeeeeychhh!”

 

A large brown feather floated down to land before Sam and he stared at it with wide eyes. Either, there really was a hawk in the skies above him or… Sam slid his head out a smidgeon to look upwards.

 

The Hawk Spirit! There he was in Clint’s form with yellow eyes and glowing red standing on top of the damn gigantic hedge wall that Sam was hiding under.

 

For a moment, Sam had absolutely no idea what to do, but then the Hawk Spirit started to laugh maniacally and Sam decided that skedaddling might be the best option. He was unarmed and he didn’t think it would be the best idea to engage a supernatural entity in hand-to-hand combat.

 

The Hawk Spirit dropped down to block the exit of the maze. Sam would have to go back through the maze to the entrance to get out. He scrambled out from under the hedge and sprinted off, hoping to make it to one of the beautiful wrought-iron lampposts on the edge of the maze that illuminated the pathways at night. They hadn’t been turned on yet, so it was still dark, but Sam knew that if he could just climb up the nearest one, which was against a perimeter wall, he could hop out and into freedom.

 

The damn Hawk Spirit was sitting patiently on top of the lamppost! Sam nearly fell over trying to stop his momentum when he set eyes on the eerie spectacle. He didn’t want to lead the Hawk Spirit further in towards Cooper, who was probably still hiding. He had to backtrack and lead the monster out.

 

“Cooper, get out of here! Run! Get out of the maze,” Sam yelled as the Hawk Spirit dropped to the ground and began to run after him. Sam turned a corner and immediately turned left in order to shake his pursuer. He was heading towards the centre of the maze, but Sam knew there was a small slipway you could squeeze through if you wanted to get back on the right path out.

 

A hand landed on his shoulder as he passed a converging passage and Sam leapt in the air circling his arm to shrug the hand of the Hawk Spirit off. He could hear his footsteps running behind him, but when Sam turned the next corner, he was met with the sight of the Hawk Spirit at the end of the path in front of him. Sam glanced to his side at the path he had just left behind. It was impossible for someone to have made it to where the Hawk Spirit was in front of him after being behind him, but the passage behind him was empty.

 

“Keeeeeychhh!” screamed an unseen hawk in the blood-red streaked skies above.

 

Sam stumbled back and recovered his feet to run down the path he had just covered and pushed himself to speedily make it through an alternate route that would take him to that thin slipway passage that would put him on the path out of the maze. The Hawk Spirit was right on his tail.

 

Sam spotted the barely noticeable gap in the hedge and hurled himself into it, not caring that his arms and legs were getting scratched by the leaves and twigs and he rushed through. He could see the end of the small passage and if he got there then the exit would only be five metres away. Sam glanced back at the scuffling noise behind him. The Hawk Spirit had squeezed in the thin passage behind him and was gaining on him.

 

Sam growled a war cry and exerted himself as best as he could, trying not to get his feet tangled in hedge roots.

 

But then, at the end of the passage, where he was meant to exit, the Hawk Spirit stood with a wicked grin on his face. There was still a Hawk Spirit behind him. Sam spun around to check that that was still the case and his ears were not deceiving him. He was right! The Hawk Spirit had split in two and had hunted him into a corner with no escape. He wished with all his might that he had brought his wing-pack so that he could have flown up out of this, but he knew the reality of the situation was that he had two supernatural things closing in on him with no way out.

 

“HELP!” Sam bellowed. “HELP!”

 

His only answer was a snicker. Sam glared at the Hawk Spirit who had bent over and was holding onto his side and slapping his thigh.

 

“Could we at least have caught him before you cracked, Clint,” the other Hawk Spirit sighed, standing with his hand on his hip and looking unimpressed. “I wanted Sam to at least piss his pants.”

 

“I’m sorry, his face was just hilarious,” Clint gasped as he straightened up.

 

“What’s going on?” Sam asked hesitantly. “Are you really Clint?”

 

“Yeah it’s me, buddy,” Clint assured him.

 

“Then who the hell is that?” Sam cried indignantly as he pointed at the other ‘Hawk Spirit’.

 

“You my dear friend have been pranked by yours truly, and the one and only Mystique- known to you as Raven, Nat’s older sister,” Clint informed him as the ‘Hawk Spirit’ morphed into a blue woman with red hair and then into the familiar blonde woman Sam had been introduced to three days before. “She shape-shifts and has the most devious prank mind I have ever come across, and I know Natalia. I guess it runs in the family.”

 

Sam stared at Clint incredulously before he launched himself at him and shook the man.

 

“Why the hell would you do all of this!” Sam shrieked.

 

“Because I had to prove that hawks trump falcons,” Clint smirked as he allowed Sam to yank him around like a ragdoll. “And because this proved to be more awesome than ‘Wanda in Wakanda’.”

 

“You filmed this!” Sam moaned.

 

“We’re live-streaming right now,” Mystique revealed pointing up to where Redwing was hovering above them.

 

“Et tu, Redwing?” Sam choked disbelievingly.

 

“Practically everybody’s in on it,” Clint told him. “Natalia corroborated our story before she even knew what was going on. Pietro gave us speed. Wanda helped us glow and float things around. Ororo gave dramatic lightning to light up our background. T’Challa gave us an alibi that couldn’t be questioned and rigged everything with Security. Cooper and Lila know. _Everybody_ lied for us.”

 

“You’re all evil,” Sam huffed as he sagged, held up by the hedge at his back. “I’m covered in scrapes and cuts!”

 

After a shower, some ointment and a beer while watching the recordings of the events of the past few days, Sam had to admit it was a pretty darn good prank.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may be wondering about Wanda’s finesse with her powers. My answer is Jean Grey. If Jean was able to master her powers and then provide tutelage for Wanda then I think that Wanda would be much more stable. They don’t have exactly the same powers, but they both are among the most powerful. I think after the Lagos incident, Wanda would be hell-bent on gaining as much control over her powers as quick as she could, and her finesse shows her progress. And Mystique’s trust in her finesse is particularly telling. She trusts this young woman who could blow her up if she made the slightest mistake.


	4. Hope and Expectations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was actually quite difficult to choose which scene I wanted to write next because I had several ideas clamouring for my attention all at once. Also, I was severely stressed out about the US elections. I’m not even American, but this affects the entire world. And now I’m sad. So I decided on some angsty fluff, because I just couldn’t sleep and now I’m operating on about three hours of rest. 
> 
> Remember, in my Alternate Universe, Wanda’s mind meddling had unlocked Nat’s repressed memories of her very long life.

**Disclaimer: I don’t own Captain America, the Black Widow or the Avengers franchises. I don’t own any Marvel characters or Marvel Universe elements… yet (Mwhahahahahahaha!). Oh, and I also don’t own any other popularly recognisable characters, brands or iconography that are referred to in this text.**

 

Chapter Four

 

Hope and Expectations

 

_Saturday, 13 February 2016_

_Natalia seriously questioned why she was forcing herself to endure the biting cold and pitch dark of a 4:30 AM run in the last throes of winter. If she had any sense then she would have just used the treadmills inside the Avengers Base in Upstate New York, instead of battling through the snow. In fact, if she had any real sense she’d be toasty warm inside still in bed snuggling with… nobody._

_Valentine’s Day was the next day and once again Natalia knew she’d be single. It was surprising really that, despite her apparent popularity,_ Natasha Romanoff _was not usually a recipient of gifts on this love and lust exalting holiday. And_ Natalia _understood why perfectly: The Black Widow was above all of that. Anyone who knew_ Natasha Romanoff _knew she would either roll her eyes or scoff at any romantic overtures and remark “Love is for children.”_

_But_ Natalia Romanova _had lived too long to spout that pathetic epithet with conviction. The capability for and belief in pure, trusting love without doubt was a gift inherent in children. It was natural. But love beyond childhood was for the brave. If you understood the world and its ever-changing complexities and still risked yourself in love, then you had courage. The things that Natasha had clung to from Natalia’s Red Room education were initially meant as a shield to help cocoon herself from the overwhelming reality of being out of her former agency’s clutches while she adapted. But the memory of the many times her emotions were crushed piled upon her as she became more and more aware of the red in her ledger. Natalia was not sure she could endure any more pain she could not physically stitch up or reset to heal. But then her mind had been unlocked and she discovered that she had endured decades more and she had still survived._

_It had been a long road trying to get back to some kind of emotional normalcy, and she was pretty sure she wouldn’t be where she was in her progress if it hadn’t been for the support that she had. She was grateful. She found the strength to let herself see that she had what she wanted right in front of her within her grasp if she dared to take it. She had someone she was drawn to, who was so damn patient she wanted to hit him sometimes._

_But that week had been really trying._ He _had been really trying. There had been the usual last minute explosion of hearts, teddy bears and chocolates in the stores and in advertisements, and it had all started building from the usual inappropriate length of time prior to the event which was January the third. Except, instead of being oblivious to it all as usual, this year Natalia was on the verge of screaming her frustration and possibly attacking the next Valentine’s Day store display she saw._

_She’d kissed him as her first act in the New Year for fuck’s sake! What the hell happened to that adage that the first person you kissed on New Year’s would be the person you spent that year with? All she had a month and a half after the event were the same awkward smiles flashed at her shyly, which annoyed her doubly so because they also completely melted her heart. And now it was almost Valentine’s Day, the day that was specifically put aside so you could make romantic declarations, and there was no sign that any kind of advancement was going to be made in the one area (and with the one person) in her life that she desperately wanted progress._

_It made her blood boil. It was really ridiculous when she thought about it. Was she really that intimidating that approaching her seemed impossibly daunting? She’d made it clear that she welcomed action. That New Year’s kiss was not something shared between friends, it was searing and passionate and she wanted a response!_

_She wanted to be pursued. He’d shown her that they were more than just friends in all the little gestures and all the grand gestures. But since the New Year’s kiss he’d become confusing. He held back and she didn’t know why. Natalia was starting to think that perhaps she’d been mistaken in her reading of him, but she knew that was ludicrous. All the same, she was starting to grow weak against the old familiar pain of the edges of her heart ripping before it could inevitably be torn apart._

_If what she thought she felt between them was really blooming, then shouldn’t the person she should be snuggling with at four forty two in the morning be him? But instead, Natalia was trudging through the snow to ensure her all-terrain fitness levels were in peak condition like she still lived in Siberia. Sometimes the steady rhythmic crunch of snow underfoot made her want to throw up with the clinging frustration of memory. The steady approach of another set of crunching running footsteps made her feel surlier at that moment._

_“On your le-” that damn handsome awkward sexy asshole called from behind her as he attempted to overtake her in the cold darkness which was only broken by the white light of the facility’s evenly spaced lampposts. His annoying greeting was cut off by his own winded gasp of “ah-hyuck!”_

_Expertly timing her attack to when he was precisely alongside of her, Natalia had grabbed his shoulder with her left hand. She had kicked up with her left leg as she reached to the ground with her right hand for support and caught her companion across the thighs as she hooked her leg in front of his. Her right leg then came up behind his calves and she yanked him back and to the ground. The much larger man was now on his back with his legs trapped between hers and her elbow was poised above him to jab down into his abdominals. The whole thing had happened as abruptly as the best of her takedowns._

_“Did you just use a banned judo move on me?” Steve gasped incredulously._

_“Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. When are you going to ask me out on a date, Steven?” Natalia hissed through clenched teeth as she glared as the blond beneath her. His wide open blue eyes betrayed the fact that he was still trying to figure out how he’d landed up on his back in the snow. But the moment he processed her words, a mischievous light entered his eyes and the corners of his mouth curled up in a tiny smirk._

_“Right away, ma’am,” Steve answered. The little smirk spread into bashful grin, which Natalia was sure that the wielder of the expression knew held the power to induce palpitations in her heart. Steve snapped up and with the direction his body was flowing, Natalia fully expected him to lock around her ankle so that she would concede. But Steve kicked his right leg free and his left over her head, twisted his torso up and yanked her closer by her right arm until they collided intimately with their legs wrapped around each other as if they were doing a very different kind of grappling in the snow._

_“Miss Natalia, I would be honoured if you’d accompany me on a date tomorrow, please?” Steve asked, directing his earnest blue gaze at Natalia. She narrowed her green eyes at him sternly and was glad of the already present exercise-induced colour in her cheeks, before a soft smile broke out on her features._

_“I’d love that,” Natalia answered quietly._

_Steve beamed at her, his smile appearing more dazzling than the white snow they were surrounded by in the dim light of the lampposts lining their usual running trail along the Base. His hands were at her hip and her waist, and in a heartbeat his lips were against hers. Their soft touch was chilled yet sweet against her own mouth, and Natalia decided that a 4:30 AM early morning run while it was still dark out and cold was worth it if you got to snuggle in the snow with Steve Rogers._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me a while to decide on what takedown Nat would use. I even watched YouTube videos. And then I decided on a dangerous takedown move that’s actually banned because of the horrific injuries it can cause. I chose it because I just don’t think Nat would take it easy on anyone- not even Steve. Also, she’s an expert, so she wouldn’t hurt him… probably. She just wants him to be prepared for people like her. 
> 
> That ‘ah- hyuck’ was an ode to the Disney character, Goofy’s, laugh. I can totally imagine that noise coming out of Steeb if he was surprised and winded by a Black Widow takedown.


	5. Home for the Holidays

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was planning on just putting out a whole lot of fluff to self-medicate in reaction to the astounding current affairs we are faced with in world news, but I was just really stunned and couldn’t do much. Also, I spent ages in traffic fetching my sister from university (it’s in the neighbouring city) because she had models to bring home. We basically just missed a huge flash flood by about half an hour or so. And then when I had rallied enough to write, I hurt my neck. It was in a really stupid way too: I overstretched while yawning. Yup. So I was in a heck of a lot of pain for like half a day. The muscle I pulled felt like it was integral to practically all movement. And it happened just before I wanted to eat lunch. I could only make noodles and it was a painful process with me whimpering etc, and I’m quite good at tolerating pain. So I had to sit still for the rest of the day to rest the muscle. I watched a lot of YouTube and agonised about buying new shades of lipstick. I’m super thankful for the herbal muscle spray I bought a while ago, recommended to me by one of my pole dance brethren. It’s local stuff, but they should really go international.

**Disclaimer: I don’t own Captain America, the Black Widow or the Avengers franchises. I don’t own any Marvel characters or Marvel Universe elements… yet (Mwhahahahahahaha!). Oh, and I also don’t own any other popularly recognisable characters, brands or iconography that are referred to in this text.**

Chapter Five

 

Home for the Holidays

 

Saturday, 15 December 2018

“Mamma is not awake, Mamma is sleeping, darlings,” was the muffled sentence that stirred Steve from his sleep. It was too early and he was not ready to open his eyes yet. It was a miracle really that he could understand his wife’s Russian words in his stupor. “It’s too early. Everyone is sleeping. Go back to your beds.”

 

Little feet pitter-pattered on the rug around the bed and over to his side.

 

“Steeb?” a little voice whispered. “Steeb?”

 

They were just over two years old and yet Demelza and James still called him ‘Steeb’ when they wanted something, which was most of the time. ‘Pappa’ and ‘Daddy’ were reserved for when they were tattling on him to their mother or Granny Vicky. To be fair, they did call him ‘Daddy’ when they said they loved him.

 

“Steeb?” the persistent whisperer continued.

 

“Mm-yes, Melzie-moo?” Steve responded without opening his eyes. His head was buried in his pillow as he slept on his stomach with an arm thrown over his Natshechka’s waist.

 

“Steeeeeeeeeeb,” Demelza whined.

 

“Daddy’s awake,” Steve assured her as he finally lifted his head and opened his eyes to face the pair of pure blue orbs that reminded him of Sarah Rogers’. The halo of crimson ringlets and the features of the face he was looking down at were Natalia in miniature though. Demelza was wearing a yellow teddy bear onesie.

 

His daughter scowled at him and mumbled a string of garbled-gook made up of Russian words blending into English. Both Demelza and James did this when they were tired, they formed a language that only the two of them could understand. Most of the time Natalia could figure out what they were saying when they got like that but Steve would have to concentrate and mull it over for a few moments before he could hazard a guess. That morning all he got from the drowsy grumble was ‘Rastamouse’. Thankfully that snippet told him exactly what was wanted.

 

“Okay, where’s James?” Steve asked as he rubbed his face. Demelza pointed towards the foot of the bed and Steve glanced over his shoulder to see that James was on the floor with his butt stuck up in the air, using a teddy bear as a pillow while he waited for his sister to wake a parent up. The little boy was wearing the green teddy bear onesie that matched with his sister’s pyjamas.  

 

“Are you two hungry?” Steve asked quietly, his voice husky due to the early hour.

 

Demelza nodded. James blinked.

 

“Okay, it’s Saturday, so waffles and then we watch Rastamouse,” Steve told them. He glanced at the alarm clock on the bedside pedestal right next to him and balked. It was three fifty in the morning! It was way too early, but he’d already told them they would have waffles and watch their favourite show.

 

Then he remembered the little fact that he was absolutely buck-naked under the duvet. How did one get a pair of two year olds to turn around to preserve their father’s modesty? He really should have gotten into some shorts after he and Natalia made love a few hours ago, but it was a pretty exhausting and satisfying round so he had conked out almost immediately.

 

Steve glanced around for any sign of boxer shorts left on the floor, but he knew his search was futile. The last shorts he’d worn were in the laundry hamper in the en suite bathroom. Everything else was in the walk-in closet.

 

“Why is it that neither of us have telekinetic powers?” Steve sighed as he twisted around carefully onto his back. Natalia was still, but he knew she was still awake and listening. “I need shorts and my shorts are in the closet.”

 

“James, Melzie-moo, can you guys bring Daddy some shorts, please?” Steve asked the twins. James rolled to his feet and Demelza glided into the walk-in while her brother plodded in behind her. They brought him a scarf and one of Natalia’s boots. Yep, it was too early for everyone.

 

“Thanks, my little Jelly Beans,” Steve said cheerily, even though they were no help at all. Beside him he felt Natalia shift and he guessed that she had taken a peek at what the twins had brought that warranted such an overly bright tone.

 

“Romanov, I need a distraction here,” Steve pleaded with his wife. Natalia remained still but he could feel the slight shaking of the mattress. “Last time I checked you don’t laugh in your sleep, Nat.”

 

“James, Demelza, go give your Mamma a hug,” Steve instructed when Natalia gasped a snicker out loud. “Mamma will give you a great big hug and kisses too.”

 

The Beans dragged their feet back over to Natalia’s side and thankfully she complied with Steve’s ruse, covering her inquisitive toddlers’ heads with the duvet as their prudish-when-inconvenient father scrambled to the walk-in closet and emerged donning red plaid pyjamas bottoms and a grey hooded robe.

 

“Come on you two,” Steve chimed as he scooped them both up in his arms, laid a kiss on Natalia’s forehead and headed downstairs. He could have probably put James back to bed, but Steve knew that the little redheaded boy with his mother’s green eyes would wake up again and might then attempt to scale the baby gate and climb down the stairs on his own. He much preferred that James was snuggled into his neck and safe.

 

Steve shuffled into their kitchen, which had filigree Christmas lights decorating the cabinets and an orange and cinnamon centrepiece in the middle of the kitchen island. He placed Demelza in her high chair before turning back to the fridge and opening it to fish out the uncut cinnamon roll dough log he’d made yesterday in preparation for Saturday morning breakfast. He placed that on the counter and then walked into the pantry to retrieve one of his two favourite ingredients, a jar of Nutella, as well as a jar of Crème de marrons. He placed James into his seat and the little boy put his head on the tray in front of him and closed his eyes while his sister watched their father.

 

Steve got the waffle-maker that they still kept on an inconveniently high shelf down and gave it a wipe down. He washed his hands again, then cut thin slices of cinnamon roll dough and used the Nutella and a touch of sweet chestnut spread to sandwich two pieces together before he closed the appliance and waited for the waffles to cook. In the mean time he got the twins sippy cups with water and made himself some of Natalia’s fruit tea.

 

Soon the waffles were done and Steve set them up on the dark brown leather couch in the TV room, each little Jelly Bean seated on one side of him as they all nibbled on the sweet-centred waffles. The family trio quietly lost themselves in the crime-fighting adventures of Rastamouse on DVD, one of the few television programs that Natalia had approved after way too much research and deliberation.

 

 

“Steve, I hate running in the snow,” Bucky called from the front door half an hour later as he let himself and Sam in from the chilly winter air. “So don’t make me have to endure it any longer than I need to, ya punk.”

 

“Steve!” Sam groaned impatiently as he shivered. Both men tried to keep their voices down so as not to disturb the slumbering Nat and Beans too much. They had snow on their beanie and hood-covered heads, and Sam had his shoulders scrunched up to his ears holding his body tensely. The house was quiet, save for the sound of soft reggae music coming from the TV room.

 

Bucky strode into the kitchen, and noted the cinnamon roll dough log and jars of Nutella and chestnut spread. He rolled his eyes and muttered: “The jerk couldn’t wait until after we ran through the snow to eat some with us.”

 

Sam had squirmed and hopped to the TV room. He paused in the doorway and pointed out to Bucky: “I think he was just catering to popular demand, dude.”

 

Bucky whipped off his beanie, strolled after Sam and discovered the scene that the other member of his best bud trio had come across. Steve was slumped on the couch with his mouth hanging open and his arms around James and Demelza. James was asleep with his head on Steve’s thigh, while Demelza was battling to stay awake and watch a stop-motion show about Caribbean mice. There were bits of waffle all over Steve’s trousers and a few intact ones on a plate on the coffee table.

 

Bucky squeezed past Sam and parked himself in front of Steve. He flicked his oldest friend’s forehead and grinned at him when the startled blond jolted awake.

 

“Jerk,” Steve grumbled as he rubbed his forehead.

 

“Yeah, I’m not the one who let his two bros think we were still going running on this dark, cold winter’s morning,” Bucky remarked as he flopped down to take a seat next to Demelza. He reached for the plate of waffles and offered some to Sam who sat down next to Little James. Sam took a big bite out of the one he chose and settled back to watch the TV.

 

“So Melzie,” Sam asked, “what’s happening with Rastamouse? I wish I was there with him on the nice sunny beach.”

 

“Rastamouse catched the naughty mouse, Unca Sam,” Demelza informed him. “Ssshh, they’re singing now.”

 

The little girl swayed her head with the beat of the song, and her uncles jammed along with her.

 

 

Two hours later, Natalia came downstairs to find all five of them fast asleep. Demelza was curled into a ball tucked in between Steve and Bucky. James lay across Steve and Sam’s lap. Bucky’s head rested against Steve’s shoulder and Sam’s lolled back with his mouth wide open, snoring lightly. In the centre of the little pile, Steve’s head hung forward with his chin on his chest. Someone had decided that a throw blanket would be a good idea and spread it over everyone. At a glance it looked like the Meatball Trio were cuddling up with two brightly hued teddy bears.  

 

Quietly, Natalia fished out her phone and took a snap. She captioned it ‘Who said real men don’t cuddle?’ and sent it off to everyone in their family group. She smirked at all the ‘aw’ responses, knowing how irritated the Bucky and Sam were going to be when Tony and Pietro teased them mercilessly at Sunday brunch the following day. But it would all be just for show. After miraculously surviving the war against Thanos, they were all thankful to be alive to enjoy their sense of home.  

        

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my Alternate Universe everybody goes home happy from Infinity Wars, because I can just do that, okay.   
> And I like Rastamouse! There I said it.   
> I shall continue to feed you candy floss! Also, I really need to get a waffle-maker because Pinterest is making my tummy rumble with all the delicious looking ideas. Cinnamon Roll Waffles! WTF! I want to go to there! (Nutella and sweet chestnut spread might be overkill, though.)


	6. Grampy Nick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I was lazing around, because sometimes you have to, especially after you’ve had some wine, and one of those fitness makeover shows came on TV. The trainer was a blond dude called Steve. The client was an auburn-haired woman called Tasha. Yup, so I guess someone in the fandom reading this has powerful manifestation abilities to prompt me into writing, or I’m just pestering myself.

 

**Disclaimer: I don’t own Captain America, the Black Widow or the Avengers franchises. I don’t own any Marvel characters or Marvel Universe elements… yet (Mwhahahahahahaha!). Oh, and I also don’t own any other popularly recognisable characters, brands or iconography that are referred to in this text.**

 

Chapter Six

 

Grampy Nick

 

Saturday, 2 July 2022

After years of bailing the Avengers out of trouble, Nick Fury had been reduced to bailing their offspring out of kiddie jail at an amusement park. Well, it wasn’t really a ‘kiddie jail’, but the lost children’s centre of the establishment, but that’s what five and a half year old James Rogers called it when he got the chance to speak to Nick after the amusement park staff got in contact with him.

 

Ordinarily, he would not have been obliged to pick James and Demelza up from an amusement park in western New York. That would have been their parents’ job. But Steve and Natalia Rogers were otherwise occupied having been called up from reserve to serve on the Avengers team, which was currently needed to defend the Earth against whatever was coming out of an inter-dimensional rift off the coast of California.

 

Unfortunately the crisis had coincided with the Rogers family’s long weekend vacation plans which were also to encompass Steve’s birthday. James and Demelza had expected fun, so they had been terribly disappointed when their parents had to leave on a mission just as they had gotten their bags packed for Niagara Falls. Unable to deal with the guilt of leaving their young kids behind yet, Steve and Natalia had found an alternative solution, or rather took advantage of circumstances to blackmail entertainment for their twins.

 

Peter Parker was made into a babysitter and given charge of the Rogers twins. Due to his busy university schedule, he hadn’t been able to join in on the official Avengers training schedule, nor had he kept up the rigorous fitness demands on his own. Peter Parker was not as familiar as he should have been with the team manoeuvres and so he was benched from the fight. Maria Hill would not stand for any laxity, and Peter was forced to sit this round out while retired reserves took his place.

 

Natalia and Steve believed they had a lifetime’s worth of leverage over Parker, and so after a few threats about safety and reminders of his obligation to them, the Captain and the Black Widow left their little ‘Jelly Beans’ in his care. It was obviously a gross misjudgement of the boy’s capabilities because the twins had landed up lost in an amusement park at the busiest period of the year.

 

Nick spared half a thought for Parker, who was probably going out of his mind frantically searching the park for the twins, but then one of the amusement park staff managers yelled at him mistaking him for one of the pirate show performers who was late for work. He fixed the man with an acerbic glare and corrected his presumption. He then made the grovelling man escort him all the way to the lost children’s centre so that he could pick up his ‘grandkids’ who had gotten away from their babysitter.

 

Fury knew very well how he came to be ‘Grampy Nick’. The twins had been two year old toddlers and Barnes and Wilson had been discussing how… grumpy his regular disposition was. He had shown up on Christmas Eve with presents for Demelza and James and they had both promptly addressed him as ‘ _Grumpy_ Nick’. Barnes and Wilson had choked on their eggnog and then hastily and loudly explained that the twins had meant ‘ _Grampy_ Nick’. He had not been in this business for three quarters of his life only to suddenly be unable to tell the difference between truth and poorly executed lies. Maria had filled him in on the events that led to the incident later on anyway.   

 

It was amazing really the expressions that James and Demelza wore when they spotted Nick through the glass doors of the play room that lost children were held in while they waited to be picked up by their guardians. James looked like he knew he was in trouble and was petrified but trying to hide it. Demelza looked peeved with the circumstances she found herself in and was probably blaming James for it all. Nick was pretty sure he’d seen Steve and Natalia with those exact expressions before he had to rescue them from the incarceration that minor things like administrative law deemed necessary in consequence to their disruptive methods in regaining peace for the public.

 

Thank fuck the child minder on duty wasn’t so narrow-minded as to question whether or not he fit the visual profile of who could possibly be the twins’ grandfather. Nick was not in the mood to not open up a can of whip-ass on anyone who couldn’t comprehend it at that moment.

 

Nick filled in the appropriate forms and presented all the right accreditation before he headed towards the door of the children’s play area. The twins quickly erased all sign of emotion from their faces and got up in sync and moved as one towards Nick, which made them look like redheaded versions of the children in ‘Village of the Damned’. The child minder on duty tittered nervously. Nick rolled his eyes knowing that these two attracted as much trouble as Bart Simpson and his little sister Lisa. 

 

“Grampy Nick!” They greeted in saccharine synchronicity.

 

“Come on you two,” Nick sighed. “Let’s get you home.”

 

The twins followed him quietly, and he allowed their silence all the way up to the car. He got them buckled in and seated himself in the driver’s seat of his black SUV.

 

“So how was your day?” Nick probed, watching the twins from the rear view mirror.

 

“We’re sorry we got caught!” James wailed from the backseat. Demelza snapped her head around to glare at her brother. “We would have escaped on our own, but the vents were too high and there was nothing to climb up on in the play room.”

 

“The important thing is we didn’t talk,” Demelza sulked as she folded her arms tightly across her chest.

 

“What makes you two think you were ‘caught’?” Nick asked curiously. “Weren’t you just ‘lost’?”

 

“You see James, you gave the game away,” Demelza scolded her brother.

 

“I’m waiting on an explanation here, you two,” Nick reminded them.

 

“We just wanted to win this month’s Snickers Crown for Daddy,” James confessed shame-facedly.

 

“But the stupid park security guards thought we were lost. And they caught James, and I couldn’t leave him,” Demelza explained.

 

“How about we start from the beginning? What’s this about a Snickers Crown?” Nick questioned. Something told him he had a bigger mess on his hands than he expected. It was probably the indulgently guilty look the twins shared.

 

“We just wanted to be like Aunty Raven,” Demelza admitted, referring to the Mutant Mystique who had proven to be Natalia Rogers’ biological sibling. “She always wins the Snickers Crown and Daddy was saying that it’s been forever since he last won it. We wanted to win it this month as a birthday present for him.”

 

“So we borrowed Mamma’s comm device,” James continued.

 

“And a vocal modulator,” Demelza added.

 

“And got onto the park security radio channel,” James whispered.

 

“And maybe we made a couple of reports about a strange lake monster that could be an alien or something in the water park area,” Demelza finished off very quickly. Nick twisted around in his seat to face the twins, his surprise showing on his frowning face.

 

“They cordoned off and evacuated part of the park to search for it,” James stated calmly, as if he was preparing himself to face the music and knew the music was terrible.

 

“They thought we were lost and they took us into custody,” Demelza elucidated further. “Mamma said that if we were ever in a pinch and there was no one to come get us, then we were supposed to get hold of you, Grampy Nick, because you could get us out of anything.”

 

That was sound advice, but this was just inappropriate use of the might of his influence. But since the twins seemed to view their ‘capture’ on the same level as being arrested through their child’s view of the world, Nick leniently let it go. At least he knew the twins trusted him, and that mattered to the Grampy Nick under all the armour of being Nick Fury.  

 

“And Peter was where while all this was happening?” Nick enquired as he narrowed his eyes and shook his head incrementally.

 

“We gave the hats we were wearing to this other boy and girl who are the same age as us and let them take our place in the line for the kiddie Ferris wheel,” Demelza told him with a proud smirk on her face. “Nobody else was wearing Dodgers caps. This is the State of New York and 2022.”

 

There were very few Dodgers fans left in New York. Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes ran a fan club in memory of when the club hailed from Brooklyn and most of the current members were senior citizens. So the Rogers twins managed to dupe Parker and give him the slip before running off on their own mission to cause mayhem. The amusement park security staff believed the creature reports because there had been another alien-creatures-emerging-from-a-portal-in-the-sky incident a few months earlier. Luckily that event ended quickly and the situation contained with only three casualties and minimal damage to two buildings. Still the public had become vigilant over the past decade and most people erred on the side of caution now that they knew the impossible was still possible in everyday life. The twins took advantage of that and made it work for their purposes. It was a pretty good strategy for five year olds. They’d obviously picked something up from their mom.

 

“We thought we had a really cool place to watch everything from,” James continued, “but then this man from security saw us and thought we were hiding from the monster while they were evacuating.”

 

“Well if there’s a panic, then it’s wise for them to stay behind and clear the area of anyone who might be too afraid to move,” Nick pointed out.

 

“But they announced it as a regular drill, Grampy Nick,” Demelza assured him. “Everyone was really calm. Only the park staff were freaking out. They had catchpoles, like crocodile wranglers have, and torches and armour pads that made them look like they were playing catcher.”

 

“It was really funny,” James giggled.

 

“I bet Uncle Tony could get us video of it,” Demelza grinned at her brother.   

 

“Now as hilarious as you two think it is to see people running around like headless chickens,” Nick began sternly, knowing he had to teach the twins that they needed to be good considerate citizens, “it is wrong to let people worry like that over nothing. What if somebody got hurt? Or what if when something really happens, they don’t believe it and don’t react quickly enough not to get hurt? What would your Mom and Dad think if that happened? They’d be so sad, because they taught you better than that. Your Mom and Dad have done a lot for this world so that people can be safe. It’s a hard job but they put their lives on the line to help the planet. People trust your family.”

 

James and Demelza sank down into their seats and pouted sorrowfully.

 

“We didn’t want anybody to get hurt, Grampy Nick,” Demelza responded. “We’re really sorry.”

 

“Yeah, Grampy Nick,” James mumbled. “We’re sorry. We won’t do it again.”

 

“Good. Now let’s go get some milkshake and waffles,” Nick announced. “I’ll pull up that security footage on my phone. I want to see those catchpoles and armour.”

 

James and Demelza returned the mischievous grin that their Grampy Nick flashed them as he started up the SUV. They were only five year olds, and their mom and dad were on the other side of the country facing danger so they could keep everyone safe. Causing a little bit of chaos was a normal part of childhood, something that their parents had very little uninhibited experience of. Even if their chaos was of a whole different calibre compared to most folks, Nick was sure Steve and Natalia wouldn’t be too upset considering that they were the children of the Captain and the Black Widow who were seasoned pros in attracting trouble. 

 

As for their babysitter, Nick decided that if Parker was duped by five year olds then he deserved to stew a while longer before Nick informed him of the whereabouts of his charges.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally managed to get this out. The depression was hitting me hard this past week. I won’t even mention the existential woes. I’m thinking the next chapter might be about Bucky and Steve- I’m not sure, but that concept looks like it’s nearly fully formed. 
> 
> I’m starting to worry that I might need to take a break and work on stuff for other fandoms so I can bolster myself for the emo Romanogers story that percolating in my head and on my laptop. But I love you guys and this ship so much that the thought of parting gives me anxiety.


	7. Grown Dog Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Steeb! Just a punk and a jerk who are now all grown up. [edited on the 15th of November 2016 because I made a small mathematical error about the twins' school going age]

**Disclaimer: I don’t own Captain America, the Black Widow or the Avengers franchises. I don’t own any Marvel characters or Marvel Universe elements… yet (Mwhahahahahahaha!). Oh, and I also don’t own any other popularly recognisable characters, brands or iconography that are referred to in this text.**

 

Chapter Seven

 

Grown Dog Love

 

                Brooklyn, New York, November 2023

It was amusing and amazing how often Bucky and Steve would get into a strop while seated in front of a computer and it was never over anything one would have predicted.

 

“An American Pit Bull Terrier,” Bucky suggested.

 

“Why would you choose that type of dog?” Steve asked perplexed.

 

“It has the word ‘American’ in it,” Bucky answered nonchalantly. He broke into an impish grin as he surveyed his best friend.

 

“There’s no way my children will ever visit you again if you get an American Pit Bull, Bucky,” Steve admonished firmly.

 

“That’s just being prejudiced against a type of dog. Since when do you discriminate against dogs?” Bucky argued stridently.

 

“I’m not worried about the type of dog. I’m worried about your capabilities to properly train a dog with such huge discipline and exercise demands,” Steve countered.

 

“I used to be the Winter Soldier,” Bucky protested.

 

“Those things are _born_ with the potential to be Winter Soldiers,” Steve pointed out. “The only three people we both know who could handle caring for American Pit Bulls are Natalia, Pepper, and Maria and neither of them have time for it.”

 

“You’re no fun,” Bucky huffed. “Wanda and I could totally handle a pit bull.”

 

Steve’s cynical expression told Bucky exactly what he thought of that statement. “If you got a pit bull then suddenly we’d be only doing dog-related things, Bucky. I love dogs, I really do- but you technically have five jobs. When would you have the time? And then I’d have to get a dog at the same time too because it’s better to raise American Pit Bulls with other dogs to socialise them so they don’t fall into aggressive behaviour towards other dogs. We’d have to have doggy play-dates all the time. Plus I don’t even know what kind of dog we’d get and that indecision would incite a civil war in our household: Demelza wants a poodle and James wants a Labrador- don’t you dare say ‘get a labradoodle’!”

 

“But look at how cute pit bulls are: this one has eyes like me,” Bucky whined.

 

“Move on, Buck,” Steve ordered. Bucky sighed and pinned the picture of the grey-eyed dog he was interested in onto a Pinterest board. The two life-long friends sat staring at the computer screen as Bucky continued to surf the internet. A small glittery ad at the corner of the screen caught his eye and he paused to think. It was for a certain kind of jewellery item.

 

“Should I really be getting us a dog? Or should I be getting a ring?” Bucky asked Steve seriously, watching his friend from the corner of his eye. Steve contemplated his best friend soberly before the corners of his mouth curled up in a wide grin.

 

“What d’you think, punk?”

 

@>-`-,----

 

It was a conversation about adopting a dog that had led Steve onto the path he found himself obliged to follow, and that path had nothing to do with dogs but its whole purpose was a conversation. Steve was fulfilling his role as the ultimate best bro forever and standing in for Bucky when he needed him.

 

Steve was in an elevator, on his way deep underground to a prison cell- a plastic prison cell isolated far away from any metal. Steve was going to visit Magneto, who had gotten himself incarcerated… again.

 

Steve was going to ask Wanda’s father, Erik Lehnsherr, for his blessing for Bucky so he could ask Wanda to marry him.

 

Bucky couldn’t do it himself on account of the fact that he had vibranium bones in his left arm. Cell phones and tablets were prohibited because they had metal in them. A video chat via the huge projection that the prison authorities allowed Erik to see broadcasts from the world outside was just too crass to have a conversation about marrying someone’s daughter. Almost everyone they knew had a metal pin fused to their skeleton from an old break in their bones or a metal filling in their teeth from back before they used resin. Steve was the only appropriate choice of stand-in. Therefore Steve had been persuaded into speaking to Erik and then coached intensively on the speech he was meant to deliver on Bucky’s behalf.

 

His best friend trusted him to have one of the most important conversations that a man could have in his life. Bucky trusted that Steve could say the right words in the right tone of voice and field any queries and objections that Erik might throw his way. Erik who was notoriously difficult to impress. Erik who only ever begun a conversation with someone new if they were a Mutant. Erik who was capable of crumpling a helicarrier up with just a thought.   

 

The result of ruminating on those facts as he was escorted through rigorous and invasive security checks for metal was that Steve felt nauseated with nerves.

 

At the end of a long plastic gangway in a clear plastic box suspended in the middle of a large concrete-lined sphere, the elderly Erik Lehnsherr sat playing chess with himself. His all-white ensemble looked like pyjamas and contrasted sharply with the (metal-free) suit that Steve had deemed was appropriate attire for the occasion. He was about to ask his almost-sister’s father for his blessing so that his best-friend-brother could marry her, after all.

 

Steve took a deep breath to settle himself and made his way over the bridge to the cell door, following the two prison guards brandishing plastic firearms. Behind him, a third prison guard waited to input his DNA data at a plastic console so that another two prison guards behind more plastic could input their biometric data to open the cell door so that Steve could enter.

 

“Hello, Steven,” Erik Lehnsherr greeted quietly and with a small smile on his face.

 

“Good morning- afternoon- hello, Mr Lehnsherr, sir,” Steve stumbled over his words.

 

Erik smirked wider at the blond man standing awkwardly at the other end of his prison cell. “Have a seat. I would get up and greet you appropriately but those fools on the other side of these plastic walls think this old man would take another older man hostage if he got too close.”

 

“Thank you sir,” Steve stated as he sat down deliberately in the chair opposite Erik. “How are you, sir?”

 

Erik raised an eyebrow at him before he spoke. “What is with you Wold War Two veterans and calling people with grey hair ‘sir’? We’ve known each other for years. Your children make me Hanukah cards. We’re on a first name basis, you dolt. Me being in prison doesn’t change that. It’s like you’re reverting to a set of behaviours because you’re scared witless or something.”

 

“Er… Sir, today I came here, um,” Steve fumbled. He leaned against the clear table with his elbows and wrung his hands. “No, um I’m supposed to start like: Mr Lehnsherr, I come to you tonight- no, today-”

 

“Should we reschedule this for when you’re feeling a little more collected, Steven?” Erik asked wryly. “I think I’ll probably be out and about soon enough with all my blue friends.”

 

Steve blinked at him, understanding that Mystique was likely to break Erik out very soon. He just hoped it wasn’t while he was still there because he did not need to be on the run again. His wife would kill him. Bucky would kill him for botching his plans. His kids would kill him if he missed their first grade holiday season concert. Maria would kill him over the paper work.

 

“Erik, I’m here on behalf of Bucky. He had me learn this whole speech and everything, but right now I can’t remember it because I’m too emotional over the topic,” Steve informed him. “Bucky would like to ask Wanda to marry him and before he does he wanted to get your blessing. You know that he’s going to do it even if he doesn’t get your approval, but it would mean a lot to him if he knew that you trusted him with ensuring Wanda’s happiness and his lifelong commitment to her and the family that they will build. He’s a good guy. We all have our demons, and they are pretty gruesome devils, but Bucky’s found the little piece of Heaven on Earth that he’s always wanted with Wanda. He may not admit it but he’s known that he’s wanted a wife and kids for so long, but he’s never allowed himself to admit that he did want that until he met Wanda. Wanda is that special one for him.

 

“Erik, Wanda’s like the little sister I never had. I was hesitant about her going out with Bucky when they first got together. I didn’t want her to be vulnerable to hurt any more because she had already suffered so much. But Bucky has been good to her. You’ve witnessed this. We’ve all witnessed this. He’s supported her as she grew into an even more amazing person and she loves him dearly just as he loves her. They’re good together. They’ve been spectacular together for the past seven years. They’ve proved that they have something more than fleeting puppy love. They’ve built a solid life together.

 

“So please, on behalf of my best friend, let Bucky continue to make Wanda happy for the rest of their lives with your blessing.”

 

Erik scrutinised Steve carefully. His eyes narrowed before he relaxed and sighed.

 

“Well it bloody took him long enough didn’t it?” Erik remarked. “Of course I give my blessing. Even I want to see some grandkids before I am no more. The clock is ticking for me unless some brilliant mind invents a de-aging machine.”

 

Steve exhaled the breath he’d been holding in out in relief.

 

“And I know that he makes her happy,” Erik admitted gently. “And I’m happy that he does.”

 

“Thank you, Erik,” Steve grinned. He glanced at the chessboard and back into the blue eyes of the white-haired man in front of him. “I do still have allotted time left over for this visit. Would you like to play a game?”

 

Erik grinned. “Sure, why not.”

 

Erik looked up at the prison guards exasperatedly before he chided: “Oh for goodness sakes. I’m not going to do anything untoward. If I really was going to do something I would have siphoned the iron in your bodies weeks ago. Ridiculous.”

 

Steve chuckled as Erik arranged the chess pieces so their game could commence. Steve thought it was a good thing that the authorities did not know that Magneto had power over more than just the metal elements he favoured. They’d probably all have ulcers if they did. 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another one! I hope you enjoyed it.


	8. Loyal Spiderlings Hatch of Jelly Beans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m just churning this stuff out, huh? Well, I felt like I had ideas to get out before they became less clear in my head. Also, I was sort of procrastinating over slightly boring responsibilities.

 

**Disclaimer: I don’t own Captain America, the Black Widow or the Avengers franchises. I don’t own any Marvel characters or Marvel Universe elements… yet (Mwhahahahahahaha!). Oh, and I also don’t own any other popularly recognisable characters, brands or iconography that are referred to in this text.**

 

Chapter Eight

 

Loyal Spiderlings Hatch of Jelly Beans

 

Saturday, 8 April 2023

“No jelly beans,” Natalia Rogers said decisively.

 

“But we’re ‘Jelly Beans’, so we need jelly beans,” Demelza whined as she held up the brightly coloured packet of candy under her chin and pouted at her mother alongside her twin brother who adopted the same pose.

 

“Yes, well, you also don’t need to be rewarded with sugar for practicing your Monkeynastix all over the trolley,” Natalia replied as she indicated the plastic contraption their father was pushing behind her with a wave of her hand. “You also don’t need diabetes or cavities.”

 

“We have superior genetics,” Demelza retorted.

 

“You have an aunt who likes to provide you with information that fuels the arguments for your case even though you don’t understand yet what that information implies,” Natalia countered. She was pretty sure that most six year olds did not cite genetics in an argument with their mother, since they did not cover that in kindergarten.

 

“Daaaaaad?” The twins pleaded, turning their puppy eyes on their father.

 

“You heard your mother,” Steve replied calmly as he examined the label of a jar of chilli peppers. Avoiding looking at their cute faces was a necessary strategy in remaining firm with the twins. “No jelly beans. Go put them back.”

 

“Thank you,” Natalia sighed as she stood on her tip-toes for a quick peck on Steve’s lips. It really helped when Steve was on board with the whole no good cops and bad cops thing when it came to their parenting. A united but reasonable front was what they aimed for, but it was difficult to maintain since the twins tended to throw extraordinary incidents into their family’s life path.

 

One such incident was a previous groceries trip they’d made with Sam. He’d ended up buying a whole SUV and trailer full of toilet paper when he’d gotten flustered and embarrassed that James and Demelza had knocked down a ridiculously huge toilet paper pyramid display in a buy-in-bulk warehouse store while pretending to be secret agents. He had to either donate the excess to charity or face the next five years manoeuvring around walls of toilet paper in his house. He chose to donate immediately when he saw Maria’s astounded face when he came home.

 

With that memory in mind, Natalia was glad that they had navigated April Fools’ Day last week by working as a family to prank everyone else. That way her twins were supervised in their troublemaking, and Steve got to win the Snickers Crown he so coveted.

 

“What else do we need?” Natalia asked as she slipped her hand into Steve’s left jeans pocket for his phone. Steve smirked at his wife, as she struggled a little bit to dislodge the device and inadvertently spent a little time caressing his groin in the process.

 

“Steeb, you dirty little freak,” Natalia teased in an undertone as she brought up their grocery list on the screen.

 

“What’s that Mrs Rogers?” Steve flirted as he surreptitiously gave her butt a squeeze. Thank goodness they weren’t full-time Avengers anymore because that gesture would have made it from the grocery store security footage to the internet in a matter of hours if they were.

 

Natalia glared at her husband playfully. He was wearing his Clark Kent glasses for their low-key family shopping trip. They still had people approach them now and then but the magic of the Clark Kent guise persisted: whenever Steve had those glasses on the public were more inclined to give their family space and let them continue on normally even if they did recognise the Rogers family. His blond hair was messy, having only had a finger comb-through when he entered the store after taking his Dodgers cap off (there was no way that Steve’s gentlemanly manners would allow him to wear a hat indoors unless he was undercover). From under the unzipped maroon hoodie he was wearing, the dark blue t-shirt with red and white thickly striped script that read ‘Steeb’ peeked out. The t-shirt was a Father’s Day gift orchestrated by Bucky and Tony on behalf of the Beans two years ago. It was an ensemble that suited that busy Saturday morning filled with errands, but her man still looked damn sexy.   

 

“We need washing powder,” Natalia stated. “I’ll go get some.”

 

“Get a lot,” Steve purred. “My mind’s dirty machinations usually result in plenty dirty sheets.”

 

Natalia’s mouth dropped open at the daring quip uttered in public where anyone could hear them. Steve was obviously in a risqué mood. There was a whole load that Natalia could do with that- lots of sweet torture. She smirked at him and flipped her hair over her shoulder as she turned and sauntered off with a wiggle in her step that Marilyn Monroe would be envious of. As Natalia turned the corner she heard her children skip and skid back to join their father, eagerly informing him about a discount on Snickers bars. Natalia would probably have to hurry back.  

 

 

Steve was entirely focused on debating whether he would have enough control to appropriately limit his daily Snickers portions if he took advantage of the deal that his children had pointed out to him, when a familiar voice interrupted his inner discussion.

 

“Steve?” a friendly voice inquired. Steve looked up from the super-jumbo sized bag of Snickers and into the warm brown eyes of Sharon Carter.

 

“Sharon? Uh, hi,” Steve greeted, tossing the Snickers bag into his trolley and blinking rapidly as he reminded himself to smile through his awkwardness.

 

“Hi, how are you?” Sharon asked as she stepped closer with a shopping basket in her hand.

 

“I’m good and you?” Steve asked in a voice that was smidgeon too high.

 

“Good. Tired. Busy,” Sharon chuckled. She glanced him over and mused: “It’s been ages since I last saw you in the flesh.”

 

“Yeah, um, Berlin right?” Steve remarked before he began to blush at the memory of his huge faux-pas. Sharon slowly smirked at him, holding his gaze as Steve got progressively pinker with each passing second.

 

It was at this point that Natalia started to round the corner into the candy aisle. She immediately caught a glimpse of her former rival, and ducked back behind the shelves before she was spotted. Sharon Fucking Carter in their local grocery store when she, Natalia, was dressed all sloppily! The woman had stiletto heels on in a grocery store- who did that?! Natalia looked down at her jeans, sweater and sneaker ensemble and almost groaned out loud at the bleh nature of it. This was not the outfit you wanted to run into a former rival in! And her handbag was in the trolley that Steve was pushing. But Natalia was a master spy, for Nutella’s sake- she could fix this. She listened in on the proceedings around the corner while she prepared herself for battle.

 

A small hand yanking on his sleeve broke Steve’s awkward trance and he looked down at his son’s frowning face. That was a subtle disruption compared to the cartwheel onto the front of the trolley that Demelza executed right in front of Sharon, kicking her legs just in front of the blonde woman’s face. Sharon took a step back and adjusted her eye-line to meet with the new person in front of her. Demelza sat on the rim of the front end of the trolley with her legs crossed, her arms crossed and her eyes narrowed.

 

“Who are you?” Demelza demanded bluntly. “What do you want with my dad?”

 

‘That’s my girl,’ Natalia thought as she unravelled the plait she’d worn her hair in that morning and shook it out. Thankfully she’d washed her hair and all she needed to do was fluff it out into sexy waves.

 

“My Aunt Raven said not to let strange tall blonde women near my dad, because he had a stalker that fit that description,” Demelza continued. Natalia stifled a snort.

 

“Demelza!” Steve hissed. “Haha, she’s just kidding.”

 

“No she’s not,” James protested. “Aunty Raven said we should Kung Fu kick her in the shin or stomach and then take you and run.” Natalia felt she owed her sister a high-five and made a mental note to give her one while she pinched some colour into her cheeks and rolled her lips between her teeth to redden them.

 

“Totally kidding, haha,” Steve steamrolled over James’ parroting of Raven’s ridiculous advice, and clapped his hand over his son’s mouth. “Sharon these are my kids: Demelza and James.”

 

“Hi, it’s great to meet you guys,” Sharon said warmly. “Me and your dad go way back. I used to watch his back, when he lived in Washington.”

 

“My mom and my dad go back to nineteen forty two,” Demelza replied unimpressed. “ _That’s_ ‘way back’.”

 

“Dear God, I am so cutting down Raven’s alone time with these kids,” Steve muttered in mortification. He smiled sheepishly at Sharon. “Please excuse these two- their rapier wit is genetic, inherited from both sides. They come from strong lineages of loudmouths. We’re still teaching them when and where to direct it appropriately.”  

 

“Dad, we’re just being honest,” James stated after freeing his mouth from the muzzle of Steve’s palm.

 

“It’s okay, Steve,” Sharon chuckled. “Your kids are cute. My aunt would have said they had gumption.”

 

“That they do,” Steve reflected.

 

“What’s ‘gumption’?” James asked his sister in a loud whisper.

 

“I don’t know. I’m busy watching the suspect,” Demelza replied as she continued to glare at Sharon while trying to not blink. Natalia seriously considered letting her twins keep handling the situation since it was proving to be hilarious.   

 

“Listen, Steve, I’m in town for a bit, so we should go for coffee sometime to catch up,” Sharon suggested. Natalia heard the words ‘go for coffee’ and remembered her own stupid efforts to make the love of her life ask that woman to do just that and then decided that enough was enough and she was stepping back into the ring.

 

“Hello Sharon,” Natalia greeted casually as she sauntered up. The sway in her hips was as natural as a panther’s slink. Demelza turned around and grinned with relief at her mom. The little girl hopped off the trolley and ran up to her, hugging her around the waist.

 

“Mom!” Demelza exclaimed. In a whisper she reported in Russian: “This woman looks like she wants to steal Pappa like he’s the last trubochki.”    

 

Demelza spun back around and snapped a ‘Z’ directed at Sharon before tugging her brother off her father’s left side so that their mother could take her place there. James took the box of washing powder from his mother and dropped it into the trolley with the rest of their groceries. The boisterous twins proceeded to clamber and stretch against the sides of their family’s trolley.

 

“Natalia, how are you?” Sharon greeted with an impassive smile.

 

Steve glanced down at his wife as she slipped an arm around him and down into the back pocket of his jeans to gently cup his butt, and promptly did a double-take. Five minutes ago, she was ‘let’s accomplish this task efficiently’ Natalia. Suddenly, he had ‘Don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me’ Natalia standing next to him. He took in the long loose wavy crimson locks, slight blush, lips that were a little swollen as though he’d been making out with her a moment ago, and the fact that she’d stripped down to her black camisole while her sweater had been tied around her hips. He was sure she’d been wearing a long sleeved t-shirt underneath her sweater. Steve computed all those facts and came to the conclusion that his wife was jealously on her guard and smirked to himself revelling in the fact that she still wanted him enough to warrant such a reaction. He leaned down to kiss her temple as she continued to exchange pleasantries with Sharon. He was tempted to nip at her ear, but forced himself to tune back in to their conversation instead.

 

“We were actually going to fly over to England with the twins to visit Peggy’s grave on her anniversary,” Natalia informed Sharon. Steve squeezed his arm a little tighter around his wife, proud of the suggestion she had made a few weeks ago to introduce their kids to the woman who had such a great influence on his life. They’d already talked about Peggy and shown James and Demelza pictures, and now in just two weeks’ time they were going to pay their respects.

 

“That’s great. I’m sure Aunt Peggy would be glad to look down upon that wherever she is,” Sharon replied, genuinely touched. “Anyway, I’ve got a romantic dinner to get started prepping for. My boyfriend lives in Brooklyn and I’m surprising him. Hey, I’m actually using one of your Meatball Trio recipes for the main, Steve!”

 

“Oh well, then I’m sure it’ll be a hit,” Steve told her with a friendly smile. He asked which one she was trying and sent the Beans off with Sharon to show her the specific brand of 100% Cacao chocolate he preferred to use in the steak and chocolate sauce dish.

 

“Hey,” Natalia said offhandedly as she stood beside him. “You know I’m going to do you so hard tonight, right?”

 

Steve raised his right arm and did a small fist pump before declaring in a quiet voice: “Thank you, Sharon Carter!”     

 

    

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Monkeynastix is this gymnastics based movement education programme that started off in South Africa and has spread over the world. There are even classes in the USA. My sister used to go when she was little. The name is so cute.
> 
> Do you like these ‘Spiderlings’? I think the nickname works better for them than the poor students of the Red Room, so I repurposed it.


	9. Bad Influences: Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry it took me a while to post again- I had some difficult editing to do. I also went to an environmental group meeting and landed up monologue-ing in front of a group of strangers for way too long despite the fact that I was totally trembling as I was trying to encourage people and offer ideas. 
> 
> But I have to share this with you: the difficult (also a bit boring) editing I had to do was for my father and it was for a non-fiction book. I then landed up trying to describe what JK Rowling’s writing style is like to him, and I lamely came up with ‘sort of like Enid Blyton?’ (Yes, I know, very bad description) Then he asked me if I’ve ever considered writing a book like that… Yeah. I just kept quiet and announced that I needed to go to the hardware store before it closed. 
> 
> It’s not like I could say “Well, actually I already write as though the urge is like a plague I’m infected with, except I my content tends to be explicit enough in descriptive quality to make 50 Shades look like Enid Blyton and that’s because I censor myself. I’ve barely written anything to completion without some sort of sexual dynamic in it since before university (aeons ago), and the last thing I remember that I did write that did not have any of that at all was about cannibalism. I don’t think I’ll be writing legendary children’s literature any time soon.”
> 
> I got into my car and as soon as I was on the road I snickered. I snickered all the way to the hardware store and all the way home. I’m snickering now.

**Disclaimer: I don’t own Captain America, the Black Widow or the Avengers franchises. I don’t own any Marvel characters or Marvel Universe elements… yet (Mwhahahahahahaha!). Oh, and I also don’t own any other popularly recognisable characters, brands or iconography that are referred to in this text.**

 

Chapter Nine

 

Bad Influences: Part 1

 

_Uncle Sam:_

Summer, 2022

It was always fun when the old gang could get together and they could get together surprisingly often. That weekend they were all gathered at the Barton Family’s Farm for a cookout to celebrate Lila’s graduation from elementary school, and Cooper’s graduation from junior high.

 

It was a warm sunny day, and the farmhouse and its surrounds were filled with hustle and bustle: food was prepped and carted towards the barbeque, heated discussions were engaged in about the best methods for grilling, people arrived to hugs and kisses, and children ran around between the legs of adults, pre-teens and teenagers. Cooper and Lila had invited a few of their school friends, some of whom were fascinated by the company their father kept but were able to control themselves enough to appear ‘cool’ in their own minds. All the bigger kids seemed totally _un_ cool to Nathan, Demelza and James, and the children soon quit bothering with trying to draw them into their games and decided to go and find their own fun.

 

“Where’re the Beans?” Steve asked his wife as he leaned down to press a quick soft kiss on her lips as she stood on the bottom step of the back porch where he’d intercepted her. She was on her way to break up the nonsense-fight between Clint, Sam and Tony about what level the grill’s flames should be.

 

“They’re still inside with Nathan,” Natalia murmured in answer. “They’re making kites. They’re busy colouring them now.”

 

“Hmm, I’ll go help them in a minute,” Steve said, kissing his wife’s cheek and letting her pass by so that she could tell Tony that if he wanted to explore what would be the optimum flame size or whatever for grilling hamburgers, he should just make himself a special guest on ‘Meatball Trio’ and they can do a whole show on barbeques.

 

Steve took an appreciative look around at scene he found himself in and he knew he was happy. He was surrounded by his best friends and family. Bucky had his arm around Wanda as they sat chatting with Pietro, Darcy and Vision. Thor was exchanging battle anecdotes with Victoria, and was constantly being interrupted by Loki who had embarrassing details to add which delighted Raven. Jane, Laura, Rhodey and Pepper were laughing out loud over drinks. Maria had gotten off work and was pouring herself some lemonade at the long wooden picnic table they’d soon be eating at. Cooper and Lila were horsing around with their friends. Even T’Challa and Logan had popped in since they were in the neighbourhood, and were exchanging smirks over the barbeque argument that Clint, Tony and Sam were getting entirely too dramatic about. His Natalia, his beautiful wife, was about to knock some sense into them because people would start to get hungry any minute now. And his wonderful little Beans were on the roof of the barn with Nathan…

 

JAMES AND DEMELZA WERE ON THE ROOF OF THE BARN WITH NATHAN! Two five year olds and a six year old were standing on the apex of the roof wearing paper wings and grinning oh-so proudly.

 

“Look Dad! I’m the Falcon!” James yelled before he jumped off the roof.

 

“James, no!” both of his parents shrieked, starting towards the boy on the barn. But James wasn’t the only one jumping: Demelza and Nathan ‘flew’ off the roof as well.

 

Thank heavens Wanda’s reflexes were so quick and strong because she caught all three children with her powers and floated them down to Pietro who had zipped to the barn to catch them from their fall.

 

“Mamma, Daddy, look,” Demelza demanded as she spun around showing off the wings she had made from the paper and sticks that Natalia had thought the children had been using to make kites. The children looked like smaller versions of Icarus, except the wings of their feathers had been drawn onto craft paper.

 

“James! Demelza!” Steve scolded as he dragged Demelza into the family hug that Natalia and he had already bundled James into. “You cannot jump off of buildings! What if you three had gotten hurt?”

 

“Nathan, you know you’re not allowed up on the roof!” Laura chided as she looked Nathan over between tight squeezing hugs.

 

“Sorry, Mom,” Nathan pouted. “We just wanted to be cool Falcons like Uncle Sam.”

 

At Nathan’s words, Natalia’s head snapped around to glare murderously at a horrified Sam. He was _always_ jumping off of buildings and flying when he was on-duty as the Falcon. Natalia conveniently forgot that her own husband tended to jump off of all sorts of structures quite often when he was called up from reserve for the Avengers team. Behind Natalia, Sam could see Clint smirking smugly at him as he patted his son’s head.

 

“I think we’ve settled the debate about who’s the cooler raptor bird forever,” Clint declared with an irritating grin.

 

@>-`-,----

 

_Uncle Bucky_ :

Fall, 2021

It was a cosy fall afternoon when Demelza, James and Azari- their friend whose parents Ororo and T’Challa were in New York on diplomatic business- bounded into the living room where their Uncle Bucky was cleaning up after them and their finger painting mess. The three four year olds had been cleaned up, and now Bucky, who was babysitting, was picking up the many small palettes, water containers and the large tarp he’d laid down to protect the floors.

 

Steve, Natalia, Ororo and T’Challa had gone out on an afternoon double-date. They could have left the kids in the care of one of the Wakandan Royal Bodyguards, but Bucky was free and wanted to look after the little tykes. He’d looked after his younger sisters and part of him missed that distant memory. The kids made him feel that special kind of pure warmth which he had gone without for so long.  

 

“Uncle Bucky?” Demelza asked as she bent over the seat of the sofa and rocked back and forth. Her hair was in two braided buns and she wore a dark green corduroy dungaree dress with a grey polo-neck underneath. “Where do babies come from?”

 

“Yeah,” James and Azari, who were both dressed in jeans and sweaters, pleaded.

 

Bucky’s eyes widened and he racked his brain for an answer suitable for four year olds. He believed in telling children the truth, but one had to keep one’s answers appropriate to the children’s age. But these were not his children, and he did not know what their parents would want to tell them.

 

 

Three hours later, the Rogers and the Wakandan Royal couple were enjoying coffee with Bucky and Wanda-who’d returned from her college classes- when their jovial banter and laughter was interrupted by a high-pitched, blood-curdling scream.

 

All three sets of couples ran towards the sound that was coming from the TV room where the children had been quietly watching a ‘Barney, The Dinosaur’ program, only to find an odd little scene: Demelza was the one screaming, and stood with her little face scrunched up and as red as her hair, while Azari held her hand tightly. James was squatting on the floor looking like he was playing catcher. And then there was a whole pineapple (without its leaves!) dropping into James’ outstretched hands from under Demelza’s little green dress.

 

“It’s a boy!” James yelled as he jumped to his feet and held the pineapple up posing like he was Rafiki in ‘The Lion King’. “It’s pokey!”

 

“What is going on here?” Natalia asked the children loudly, cutting through the atmosphere of their game with her stern tone.

 

“Hi, Mamma,” Demelza said brightly. After such a banshee screech coming out of her mouth, one would have expected her to be hoarse, but the little girl sounded as chirpy as ever. “Me and Azari just had a baby.”

 

“Why is there a pineapple involved?” Ororo asked perplexed.

 

“Um,” Bucky piped up. “I might have tried to explain a few things to the kids.”

 

“Uncle Bucky told us where babies came from,” Azari informed the adults with a pleased-as-punch grin on his face.

 

The parents in the room rounded on Bucky as he smiled nervously at them. Wanda doubled over giggling, having skimmed the minds of the little ones to find out the reason for their apparent distress and stumbled on the ridiculous scene from earlier that afternoon where Bucky explained where babies came from: “A daddy plants a seed in a mommy’s belly, a baby grows in there and after a long time the baby comes out. But it’s really painful, and mommies scream because it’s like a pineapple is coming out of their bellies, but they’re really happy when they finally get to see their babies.”

 

@>-`-,----

 

_Pietro:_

Spring, 2033

It seemed like just yesterday that James and Demelza were running around and getting into adventures with each other. Now, Steve found himself breaking up arguments between the two sixteen year old twins more and more often. Where were his little Jelly Beans?

 

Well, right at that moment they were pulling up to their house with their Uncle Pietro, who had taken them to an alternative band’s concert at some underground venue in the Bronx. And Steve was the dad who was waiting up for them.

 

Steve heard the front door being flung open and the thumping footsteps of his son rush up their stairs and into the bathroom. The family dog, Snickers the chocolate standard labradoodle, skedaddled from Steve’s side to meet the returning members of her family and yipped in excitement. Steve figured James probably needed a tinkle after a long night- there were always such long queues for the bathrooms at any kind of gig. The sound of the front door being shut reached his ears and Steve looked through the front window to wave at Pietro, who had watched the twins get into the house and was about to leave. He waved and grinned at Steve before he got his black 1969 Chevy Impala back out onto the road and drove off.

 

“Hey, Melzie-moo,” Steve greeted his daughter as he followed her into the kitchen. Snickers padded in between them, following Demelza.

 

“Ugh, Dad, don’t call me that,” Demelza groaned. She ran her hand through her long red hair as she opened the fridge and scanned its contents.

 

“You’ll always be my _Melzie-moo_ ,” Steve teased. “Do you want some hot chocolate? How was the concert?”

 

“Yeah, please,” Demelza agreed as she chucked her red leather satchel handbag onto the kitchen counter and headed into the pantry. “It was good. It was nice. I got to sing on stage with the band because Pietro knows the drummer.”

 

It was always ‘Pietro’, never ‘Uncle Pietro’, just like it was always ‘Darcy’ and never ‘Aunty Darcy’. It didn’t matter that the couple had three precocious little children all under seven. Two were adopted and one was the result of the best party Thor ever threw according to Darcy. All three were Mutants and proud of it, and all three of them referred to their parents by their first names. Pietro and Darcy had been on and off and in an open relationship for years, until ‘shit got real’ as Darcy explained and they found themselves expecting. They had a Vegas wedding and gave Erik the grandkids he had been waiting for before Bucky and Wanda even contemplated getting started.

 

“James made such a fool of himself in front of this girl. Pietro told him to be cool, but he just choked and randomly asked her if she liked gardening- at a neo-grunge garage hip-hop rock gig,” Demelza stated flatly before she scoffed. She handed Steve a slab of Mozambican cacao milk chocolate as he switched on the stove and placed a saucepan on it. He took the slab and banged it on the counter to break up the chocolate inside the wrapper.

 

“It does seem that your brother inherited my skill when it comes to chatting up women,” Steve remarked with a crooked grin as Demelza got a bottle of full-cream milk out from the fridge and handed it to him.

 

“Yeah, Uncle Bucky, Uncle Sam and Mom have told us very many times how bad you were,” Demelza laughed while her father poured milk into the saucepan. “I want Nutella and chilli pepper, Daddy.”

 

“Get ‘em,” Steve instructed as he set the milk bottle aside and carefully opened the chocolate wrapper so he could pour the shards into the warming milk. Snickers sat down next to Steve and watched him eagerly.  

 

“How was New Zealand?” Demelza called from inside the pantry. Steve had been away from home for the past four days. He’d gotten in that morning, but hadn’t seen the twins because they’d left him to sleep off his post-mission exhaustion when they’d gone off to their Friday classes. With all the activities the twins were involved in- James had lacrosse, swimming, robotics club and photography; while Demelza had ballet, baseball, debate, chess club and volunteered for all sorts of charitable causes- the family did not get to spend as much time together as they had when the twins were younger and did not have their own driver’s licences.

 

“More trouble than I expected. I don’t know how your Granny Vicky’s friends still get into the scrapes they do,” Steve informed her wryly.

 

“Dad, you and Uncle Bucky are older than them and last year you were kidnapped by alien fangirls. I’m betting Uncle Loki is going to hold the fact he rescued you over your heads for the rest of time,” Demelza pointed out as she returned with the Nutella jar and some dried chilli shavings while she munched on a chocolate-chip red velvet cookie.  

 

Steve grinned down at his daughter next to him. She really looked like Natalia when he first met her so long ago. Demelza was dressed in modern clothing, wore heavy smokey eye make-up and had her long curly scarlet hair loose, but she definitely looked like her mother when she’d been in her teens. But her eyes, they were just like his mother’s. Steve’s heart twanged with that old familiar pain and he wished Sarah Rogers could have met Demelza Rogers and her brother. She’d grown into such a witty, bright young woman. Both of his kids were amazing.

 

It was as Steve was reflecting on the eyes that his daughter had inherited from her late grandmother that his brain recognised that something in the vicinity of Demelza’s eyes was not the same as he last saw it.

 

“When did you get a nose ring?!” Steve yelped, grabbing Demelza by the shoulders and spinning her around to face him. The cookie she had been eating fell out of her grasp onto the floor.

 

“Dad!” Demelza exclaimed as she accidentally got Nutella in her hair through Steve’s wild sudden actions. “My hair! You got Nutella in my hair! Urgh! Snickers don’t eat that! Chocolate isn’t good for dogs.” Demelza tried to kick at the half-eaten cookie that had fallen on the floor, but decided quickly that putting her foot on top of it would be the best deterrent against the eager labradoodle.

 

“Steven, keep it fucking down! I am asleep!” Natalia bellowed in Russian from upstairs.

 

“Language!” Steve yelled back.

 

“Fuck your ‘Language’! I need sleep because of you,” Natalia retorted. Steve would have blushed at his wife pointing out the reason that she was so tired was because they’d had very loud and enthusiastic sex while their kids were out of the house, but he was currently staring at the tiny black music note-shaped nose stud in his daughter’s left nostril.

 

“Demelza has a nose ring!” Steve replied shrilly. He focused on his daughter again and interrogated her: “When did you get a nose ring? Who said you can get your nose pierced? Isn’t it illegal without your parents’ permission? Which irresponsible parlour pierced you without permission? Was it clean? Did they use a sterile needle? Did you see them opening a new packet?”

 

“Dad, relax!” Demelza whined as she wriggled out of Steve’s grasp. She bent down to pick up the cookie and its crumbs before heading to the trashcan to throw it out. “It’s okay. We went with Pietro and it was all good. It hurt, but that’s to be expected: noses are made of cartilage.”

 

“Pietro?!” Steve confirmed hysterically. He was on the phone and calling the man who let his Melzie-moo put metal through her nose without her father’s permission in a flash.

 

“Hey Steve!” Pietro greeted when he picked up the 3D video-call. His accent had become very Americanised, but a Sokovian twang still leaked through. Pietro ran his hands through his long silver-tipped dark hair and grinned at his friend. From the background, one could tell that he’d just gotten home and was in his garage.

 

“You stabbed a needle through my Melzie-moos nose!” Steve squawked.

 

“What?”

 

“Dad!”

 

“Seriously, Dad, chill,” James interjected from the last step on the central staircase. “We both got our noses pierced.”

 

“What?!” Steve hissed as his eyes zoomed in on the matching tiny black music note nose stud on James’ right nostril.

 

“Dad, everybody pierces their nose these days! In like sixth grade,” Demelza exaggerated.

 

“That’s not true. It’s more like eighth grade and not everybody does it. More people get their tongues pierced these days,” James corrected his sister.

 

“There’s music in my Jelly Beans’ noses!” Steve cried.

 

“Dad, are you having a mental breakdown or something?” James asked cautiously.

 

“Pietro how could you do this?” Steve wailed.

 

“Steve, _are_ you having a breakdown? Seriously, man,” Pietro asked quietly as Steve stared gaping uselessly at his Jelly Beans who used to call him ‘Steeb’ and would make him watch Rastamouse with them at ungodly hours. “Demelza, James, I need to have a word with your dad. Could you give us a minute, please?”

 

“But my hot chocolate,” Demelza whispered grumpily as she surreptitiously drew the saucepan of half melted ingredients off the hob so it wouldn’t burn while unattended. The twins shuffled into the TV room with their labradoodle and left their father to face the video image of their ‘cool uncle’.

 

“What is going on, Steve?” Pietro asked anxiously.

 

“Why are you worried?” Steve responded exasperatedly. “I’m the one who came home to both of his children bearing metal in their noses, which neither of them asked me to sign any consent forms to get.”

 

“Steve, Nata signed their forms,” Pietro explained. Steve’s jaw dropped.

 

“Listen, it’s not a huge deal. If they take them out then the skin will heal right over and it’ll probably happen extremely fast with their DNA,” Pietro continued. “It’s just that you know the twins have been having issues lately: bickering a lot.”

 

“Yeah,” Steve croaked. He was in shock and felt silly about it. He had faced inter-dimensional invading forces and deranged immortal aliens bent on ruling the universe, yet his teenage daughter and son getting their noses pierced had returned him to the sort of melodramatic hysteria he’d last experienced when their mother told him of their existence.

 

“They’re growing up, and they know they’re growing apart. But they’re twins. It’s fundamental to who they are,” Pietro expounded with a gentle smile. “They wanted to do something as twins that they could bond over before life carried them away from each other. It’s important to do that kind of thing as twins growing up. They decided on the piercings. They got them on different sides because they’re fraternal twins of different genders. Their mom said it was okay, but she had classes to teach all day when they wanted to get pierced so I took them. That’s all.”  

 

“Oh,” Steve exhaled. “Okay. I understand.”

 

“Are you cool now?” Pietro inquired.

 

“Yeah, I am,” Steve assured him. “It’s actually kind of sweet of them.”

 

“It is,” Pietro chuckled.

 

“Sorry I freaked out at you,” Steve apologised sheepishly.

 

“It’s okay, man,” Pietro waved him off. “Darcy cried for two days when I took the kids for an unsanctioned first haircut. She was really pissed that I did not collect their shorn hair off of the floor.”

 

Steve smiled weakly at his friend, who had been like a younger brother for years. They said their goodbyes, and Steve ended the call. He looked up to find a dishevelled Natalia smiling at him in sympathy. She held out her arms and welcomed him into a hug with a few kisses peppered over his brow.

 

“I’m sorry I forgot to tell you. They’re growing up, but they’ll always be our Jelly Beans,” Natalia whispered into Steve’s neck.

 

“Dad, can I have hot chocolate too?” James called from the TV room. The sounds of a holographic video game echoed in from where the Rogers twins were playing against each other. “But I want white hot chocolate. Do we have any of those peppermint rock candy marshmallows left?”

 

“I want rum, orange and dark chocolate- pretty please,” Natalia requested with a sly grin.

 

Steve sighed a chuckle and got back to work on the various hot chocolate orders.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More ‘bad influences’ to come…


	10. Bad Influences: Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More bad influences.

**Disclaimer: I don’t own Captain America, the Black Widow or the Avengers franchises. I don’t own any Marvel characters or Marvel Universe elements… yet (Mwhahahahahahaha!). Oh, and I also don’t own any other popularly recognisable characters, brands or iconography that are referred to in this text.**

 

Chapter Ten

 

Bad Influences: Part 2

 

_Granny Vicky:_

Spring, 2021

“Thanks so much for doing this for us, Vicky,” Steve beamed as he hugged the older blonde woman in the driveway of her Chesapeake Bay home, Eagle’s Nest. “Nat really needs a break, and this long weekend is it.”

 

“Well, when one flips their four year old daughter’s ballet teacher over one’s shoulder for fraudulently claiming to have studied with the Bolshoi schools, then it is time for a little holiday,” Victoria smirked and took a step back out of Steve’s muscly arms. She looked over at Natalia who was already in their four door pick-up truck and was rolling her eyes at her long-time friend.

 

“It was an accident,” Natalia defended. “She grabbed me from behind while we trying to leave.”

 

“Yeah, it still resulted in a mass sign-up to the kiddie defence-skills classes the following week,” Steve pointed out with a teasing grin. “Everybody wants to be as cool as the Black Widow.”

 

“Now you two enjoy yourselves. The Beans and I will spend the weekend having a lot of fun,” Victoria assured them. “We’ll bake cookies- I have this lovely recipe for apple pie bites. Steve you should take a look, it might be good for your show.”

 

“Then save me some,” Steve grinned impishly before he bent down to kiss James and Demelza once more.

 

“Say goodbye to your Mamma,” Victoria instructed them, and the twins ran forward to embrace their mother before returning to Vicky’s side.

 

“Whoops, almost forgot to leave these with you,” Steve exclaimed as he fished out two kids helmets from the floor of the truck’s back seat. “Now remember you’re not allowed to drive your Jeep without wearing these and without Granny Vicky’s permission. Granny Vicky must be able to see you at all times when you’re in your Jeep.”

 

James and Demelza had gotten a kids’ electric Jeep Wrangler for their fourth birthday a few months prior and they had brought it along to Granny Vicky’s house where they could drive it around on the adventurous terrain. The Rogers had decided to purchase the gift for their twins before their Uncle Tony had a chance to invent a kids’ SUV and give them the prototype to test. Knowing Tony Stark, the mini-vehicle would probably have flying capabilities as well as an option to transform into a speedboat. They settled on the pre-emptive approach and bought as safe a mini-SUV as they could find, which had lots of great reviews from other parents to back up their choice.

 

James and Demelza nodded their heads and sniffled a little bit about their parents going off as they each held their helmets in their hands. But it was time to go. It would be dark on the roads soon and Steve and Natalia wanted to get to the rural cabin they’d booked before it was too late. Natalia and Steve waved to their children and Victoria, who waved back as the couple set off.

 

“Come on, you two,” Victoria said cheerily. “Let’s go have some supper. And then afterwards you can have some of the jelly bean cupcakes I made just for you. Do you two know that I told your mum that we should nickname you ‘Bean’? Well at that time, we didn’t know there were two of you coming into our lives.”

 

“Granny Vicky, are the jelly beans yummy jelly beans or sour jelly beans?” James asked earnestly as they headed into the house.

 

“James, sour jelly beans _are_ yummy jelly beans,” Demelza protested.

 

“Ah, but I know you two so well that I made ones with sour jelly beans and ones with regular jelly beans,” Victoria informed them as she helped them out of their coats and mittens. It was spring, but the air was still nippy and the ground wet and muddy from the melting snow. But inside Granny Vicky’s house, everything was warm and cosy.

 

 

“Bunny, what is this?” Ivan Simanov asked in Russian the next morning when he came in from the garage. “What is this tiny car in my parking space?”

 

“Oh sorry, darling,” Victoria replied in English as she wrestled the twins into their wellington boots. “That’s the Beans’ Jeep. It’s a little electric car. We thought you were only coming home tomorrow so I let them park it there so they could feel like big people.”

 

“This is a car that works?” Ivan questioned in English as he examined the miniature SUV. It was black and had little red flames painted on the hood of the engine.

 

“Yes, apparently so,” Victoria answered. “Come on dears- show us how your Jeep can go. Wait, helmets first!”

 

Victoria and Ivan strapped the purple and green helmets to Demelza and James’ heads respectively and watched while the two four year olds slowly drove out of the garage. They watched and cheered for a further fifteen minutes as the children drove around the front yard and squealed excitedly.

 

“Do you think that’s the top speed?” Victoria murmured to Ivan as he stood next to her. “I don’t like how the engine sounds like it’s straining already.”

 

“Yes, it sounds too- I don’t know- tinny? And that sound system is a bit taxing on my old ears. I can’t take high-pitched scratchy noises for extended periods anymore,” Ivan responded, folding his arms across his chest.

 

“Darlings: James, Demelza- would you like it if Granny made a few adjustments to your Jeep?” Victoria asked the twins who had driven up to park right in front of her. They’d gotten a little too close and Victoria had to jump back to avoid getting knocked in the shin. “Maybe Granny could teach you a few driving tricks too?”

 

“That would be awesome!” James declared.

 

“Can you make us jumpsuits like in Nascar too, Granny Vicky?” Demelza pleaded.

 

“Oh I think I can do better than that,” Victoria grinned. “But first let’s go take a look at this engine.”

 

 

Steve drove back up the driveway of Eagle’s Nest four days later after a very long and relaxing weekend, which had been disrupted at the tail-end by a time-travelling anomaly emergency which led to a parallel universe version of an older Tony stuck in their universe for a few days. They’d been called back to New York, because this alternate Tony had bad guys following him. It was a weird thirty six hours, and Natalia had come out of it with a broken leg. She was not amused. So Steve was going to pick the Beans up with Sam, who was the best person to have on road trips in Steve’s experience.

 

Up ahead they could see Victoria and Ivan on a hillock in a field and could tell from the many tyre tracks in the mud and grass that the twins had been using that paddock as their playpen when they drove their mini-Jeep. Steve parked his truck, and he and Sam made their way over to Victoria who was waving them over enthusiastically.

 

The sudden growl of machinery cut through the countryside quiet, and Steve was confused. That sounded like powerful dirt bike ripping through the mud, but Victoria’s house was few miles from any neighbouring properties.

 

Steve and Sam had gotten fifteen feet away from Victoria and Ivan, when James and Demelza came soaring out from a dip in the terrain behind Victoria and zoomed towards their father in something that looked totally different from the mini-Jeep he had left with them. The flames that decorated the hood demurely had been extended to cover half the body, which was now patriot blue. Bars had been welded onto the frame to create a roll-cage that was more than just decorative. The seats were bright red leather and had much more secure seatbelts strapping the twins in.

 

Demelza was driving, but James had what looked like a huge orange and blue water-gun in his hands, and their backseat was filled with similar brightly coloured weapons. They wore matching little red and black jumpsuits, and Steve’s enhanced eyesight told him that their names were embroidered in silver over embroidered bald eagles in the top left pockets of their outfits. Thankfully they wore their helmets, and Steve supposed he should have been glad of the goggles they were wearing too, but he was more concerned with the fact that his children were about to run him and Sam over.

 

But then the car suddenly spun in place, spraying mud onto their jeans and his little four year old twins were… drifting? And James was assaulting them with water-gun fire as he nonchalantly took aim and accurately hit them both. 

 

“Excellent, my darling Jelly Beans!” Victoria praised from atop the hillock. “Full marks!”

 

Next to Steve, Sam murmured in a disbelieving whisper: “I can’t believe I somehow got that on video. Does that mean Victoria wins the Snickers Crown?”

 

“Was this even a prank?” Steve asked in shock, and then marvelled: “She is pretty crafty.”

 

“Hi Daddy,” Demelza said as she stopped the mini-SUV’s motion. “Look what Granny Vicky helped us do to our Jeep!”

 

In addition to the obvious changes, Steve noted that the rims now spun and the headlights were actually rainbow-coloured. James pulled his water weapon back into the vehicle and pressed a button on the console. A radio-edited version of ‘Rolling with the homies’ by Coolio blasted out of the tiny vehicle’s sound system, which had enviable bass and treble.

 

“Don’t worry, it’s all waterproof,” Victoria assured them as she walked up to Steve and Sam to give them welcoming hugs.

 

“Tony’s going to be so jealous you got to do this,” Steve laughed disconcertedly.

 

“Well, I doubt Tony would have been able to teach two four year olds the very important life-skill of advanced driving techniques. He’d probably have an AI take over the driving for them. With me, the children have learned the basics of something that will always be useful and relevant,” Victoria retorted earnestly.

 

“Yes, relevant,” Steve repeated shakily as Sam snorted and chuckled next to him while filming the expression on his best friend’s face with his phone.    

 

@>-`-,----

 

_Uncle Thor:_

Summer, 2025

Demelza Rogers was determined to become the star of her elementary school’s baton team. Therefore it was necessary for her to practise all through the summer to get ready for the try-outs which would be held in the first week of school. She had her dad drive her to the best baton classes, which were in Harlem, three times a week; and at the end of every day her mom would oversee an hour-long practice session where Demelza showed her mom the progress she had made that day. She’d spend three hours each morning working on her technique in their back yard where there was space enough for Demelza to toss her baton up in the air and get the height that she needed to achieve.

 

Except, today was a rainy day. Demelza supposed she could have used the ballet studio that her mom had built in for her, but she really wanted to rehearse a routine which required tossing her baton up high quite a few times. She thought of asking her dad to take her over to Courage Corp’s work gym, so she could use one of the class studios that were not in use. But her dad was filming a workout video that day and she and James were meant to tag along with him to the film production studio. Their mom was at a meeting and most of her uncles and aunts were busy with work if they weren’t involved with the workout video shoot.

 

So Demelza decided that the double volume space of the Rogers family home’s lounge and dining room would have to suffice. She pushed back the coffee table, rolled up the kilim rug, collected all the vases and breakable knick-knacks and put them away safely in the kitchen to create a dance space she could move freely in without worry.

 

“What’s this?” Her Uncle Thor asked as he stood in the doorway leading to the TV room, watching her as she twirled her baton having caught it and pirouetted once. Demelza came to a halt to grin at her fun uncle with the long blond hair whom everyone loved. Whenever she went out with Uncle Thor, people gave them awesome free stuff.

 

“I’m practising for my baton twirling try-outs,” Demelza explained. “I was on the school team last year, but I want to get more solo features, so I’ve been practising every day for the whole summer. I think my mom is starting to worry that I’m going to give up ballet in favour of baton with the amount that I’m practising.”

 

“Your dedication is admirable, Demelza,” Thor told her. “It is a skill you have learned well from your parents. You see their workout business? This was a clever ploy that allows them to help people with the skills they already have, and permits them to remain in peak condition and ready to act should the world require their services. A warrior, or any person determined to devote their life to skill, must practise their technique until it is like inhaling and exhaling breath- it must be necessary to their being. Then, when they need to use their skills, they will flow through their motion achieving their goals without thinking and never hindered by self-doubt.”

 

“That’s what my mom says,” Demelza grinned.

 

“Do you mind if I watch?” Uncle Thor asked Demelza politely. He was at the Rogers home that day waiting for Steve, Demelza’s dad, so that they could go to the video shoot together. Uncle Thor was to be their special guest in that particular video, which Demelza knew her dad and Uncle Bucky were excited about. Whenever they worked out with Uncle Thor, Dad and Uncle Bucky got this weird look in their eyes which her mom called ‘crazy-eyes’. They got really competitive but Uncle Thor just chuckled at them. Her mom would have to draw her dad a bath full of Epsom salts and mint at the end of the day whenever her dad worked out with Uncle Thor, and she had told Demelza that Aunty Wanda was doing the same thing for Uncle Bucky.

 

“Sure, Uncle Thor,” Demelza beamed. “Maybe you can give me some pointers? You sort of have to twirl Mjölnir too, don’t you?”

 

“Yes, it is something like that, but generally don’t have to do any high-kicks,” Thor laughed as he sat down.

 

“I’d pay to see that!” Demelza giggled.

 

“You know I work for pop-tarts. That’s the only currency I accept,” Thor joked with the eight year old girl.

 

“We’ve got chocolate ones,” Demelza offered. Thor scrutinised the little redhead with a smirk, before he nodded.

 

“Very well, I shall do one twirl trick _with_ a high kick that you shall teach me, for the payment of one chocolate pop-tart,” Thor bartered.

 

“Accepted,” Demelza agreed. She proceeded to show him a simple move where she tossed the baton up in the air letting it twirl while she did a high kick and then spun around before she caught it. Thor then took the baton she offered and tried to do the same, but his kick looked more like he was doing the Haka, like a member of the New Zealand All Blacks Rugby team. The baton also landed up thunk-ing uselessly on the floor, having not gotten enough height for a pirouette to be possible before it had to be caught.

 

Several more attempts were made, before Demelza breathlessly tried to explain to her uncle through giggles what he was doing wrong. “I think you need to copy me as I do it, Uncle Thor.”

 

“Very well, I shall,” Uncle Thor agreed. “I am quite surprised that I haven’t been able to grasp this. Perhaps if I use Mjölnir instead? I think I may be used to the weight of that noble instrument.”

 

Demelza quickly retrieved the hammer from the dining room table for him. It was a little known fact that most children under ten could lift Mjölnir easily because their hearts were so pure and earnest. It had actually proved useful once in battle when a little girl of four had tossed Mjölnir over to Thor as he held off a large gecko-like creature that had been engineered by a madman and was terrorising the Indian countryside that the little girl’s village was in.

 

“Okay so you have to twirl the baton like this- can you even do that with Mjölnir, Uncle Thor?” Demelza enquired genuinely.

 

“Look I am doing it,” Thor showed her. “Yes, it is the weight that was throwing me off.”

 

“Alright, then you have to throw the baton up like this but control it well or the baton will just go all over the place,” Demelza instructed.

 

“I’m getting it,” Thor declared as he threw his hammer up, letting it spin.

 

CRASH!

 

Thor ducked to cover Demelza and rolled them away from the bits of ceiling and plaster that rained down before Mjölnir fell to the ground two seconds later.

 

“Hmm,” Thor harrumphed as he looked up at the hole in the ceiling that was letting rain into the house. Demelza was in his arms and her mouth was agape and her eyes comically wide. She looked at the hole in the ceiling and then down to the ruined wood flooring that was scattered around Mjölnir. “I might have used a little too much effort in that one.”

 

“Mom and Dad are going to freak out!” Demelza exclaimed. Naturally her annoying twin brother had to appear at that moment, a headset on his head and the controls of a video game in his hands.

 

“Haha! This so beats me breaking the window last month!” James crowed.

 

“What the hell is going on?” Steve shouted as he hurtled through the door of his upstairs office where he had been holding a conference video call with Nick Fury and Maria Hill-Wilson. Steve froze with his hands on the reinforced glass and wood balustrade they had put in once the twins were old enough. He had no words for the small patch of rain that was falling into his lounge below.

 

“I was baton twirling,” Thor explained with a nervous yet winsome smile- the smile that usually got him out of any sort of trouble. “With Mjölnir.”

 

“I’ll call Tony,” Steve sighed, as he dragged his hand down his face. “Hopefully the construction repairs crew can make it here before we have to leave.”

 

@>-`-,----

 

_Uncle Logan:_

Summer, 2021

It wasn’t like Steve, Bucky and Logan were the kind of guys who would join a Harley-Davidson motorcycle riding club, but they did practise some of their habits. For instance, the trio would get together on Sunday afternoons after brunch at the Rogers and go riding on the highways just outside of the city. Sometimes, they would take longer trips on Saturdays if they could manage it. It was usually during those occasions that Steve would bring James and Demelza with and they would ride along in a sidecar. 

 

It was on such a Saturday that the group encountered a motorcycle rally that was happening in a small town just outside of New York City. Naturally the Beans were curious, so they pulled over. And of course, the participants in the rally were very friendly finding their love of Harleys a point of commonality which they could relate to the three super-heroes with.

 

James and Demelza got to make many new friends as quite a few motorcyclists had brought their children along too. Steve got to listen avidly to other enthusiasts who had experience of the many models over the years, while Logan argued about what made a hog better and Bucky endeavoured to keep the peace by applying a balm of diplomacy over whatever offensive things came out of Logan’s mouth.

 

They had decided they would join the rally for part of the day and were rounding James and Demelza up, when Logan physically stopped Steve with an arm on his bicep and yanked the blond man back to where he was standing. Logan grabbed Steve’s head and turned it to face the scene that had caught his attention.   

 

Parked right next to big custom Harley-Davidson choppers, were a couple of electric kids Harleys. They were painted in bright colours, and a few were painted with the classic combination of black with orange flames. The children, to whom the mini-bikes belonged, were dressed in full leathers and they seemed very proud of their little hogs. The adults around them were fascinated and joked around taking photos of the spectacle.

 

“You have to get that,” Logan told Steve seriously.

 

“That’s so adorable!” Bucky exclaimed behind them. Logan glanced over at Bucky, who blushed and cleared his throat for having gushed at the sight.

 

“I don’t know, Logan,” Steve said hesitantly as he peeled Logan’s hands off of the sides of his head. “My kids already have the skills to win an underground drag race and they don’t even know how to read yet.”

 

“But that’s just the point, Steve,” Logan countered. “It’s easier to learn physical skills when you’re young and uninhibited by fear.”

 

“But some fears are well warranted,” Steve argued. He might have been an Avenger, but he was also a cautious parent despite everything that his Beans and the Universe threw at him to disprove that claim.

 

“Steve, let’s just check them out at least. No one’s telling you to buy them,” Bucky encouraged.

 

“Logan’s telling me to buy them,” Steve re-joined.

 

“I mean look at how cute they are. Let’s just satisfy our curiosity. Look, here are Little J and Melzie- they’ve seen them and now want a closer look,” Bucky continued. James and Demelza had indeed spotted the mini-Harleys and were running towards them to inspect the curiosities. An older child of about six years old started his mini-Harley up and took it for a demo spin around the parked motorbikes.

 

“You have to get your kids these,” Logan advised again as they crouched down with the mother of one of the mini-Harley riders having a closer look at the little hogs. The woman had explained the machines to them, and answered the trio’s many questions. Logan turned to face Steve with an earnest expression on his face.

 

“Look, if it is safety you’re worried about then come to Westchester on the weekends. The Beans can come and ride around on Professor Xavier’s estate. My cabin property’s a bit too rough in terrain, but Xavier’s grounds are quite manicured and you won’t have to worry about road traffic,” Logan offered.

 

 

Three weeks later, Steve carefully strode into the kitchen of his family’s converted firehouse home in Brooklyn. His wife Natalia was waiting for dinner to finish cooking, while she read the news on a tablet. He was still in his motorcycle leathers, having just come back from a ride with the Beans, Bucky and Logan.

 

“Heeeeyyy… doll,” Steve greeted as he laid a light kiss on Natalia’s cheek. The use of the word ‘doll’ had become an indicator of news or topics that Steve was hesitant to discuss, so Natalia looked up at him warily and raised an eyebrow.

 

“What?” Natalia enquired carefully.

 

“What do you think about getting a weekend property? Like a cabin or something?” Steve proposed with exaggerated innocence showing on his face and in his vocal tone.

 

“Have you developed an interest in fishing?” Natalia conjectured with a smirk.

 

“No, I was just thinking that it might be a good idea for the kids to have some place to run around with more freedom. Climb trees and stuff, y’know. Big trees- like, bigger than in our yard, and not trees in public parks that could result in fines if they were damaged or something,” Steve elucidated.

 

“Do they fine you for climbing trees in the park?” Natalia questioned as she mulled over whether she knew the answer to that question or not.

 

“They probably do,” Steve surmised as he stuck out his bottom lip in a contemplative expression.

 

“So you want us to buy a cabin property so that the Beans can run around and climb trees without getting fines,” Natalia clarified.

 

“Yep,” Steve confirmed with a nod.

 

“And so they can drive their Jeep Wrangler and race their mini-Harleys?” Natalia added.

 

“Yes,” Steve answered quickly. His eyes widened as he sucked in a breath when he realised what his wife had said. “Wait, how did you know about the mini-Harleys?”

 

“Well, apparently you got upgraded to weekend delivery and they arrived around noon while you guys were out,” Natalia informed him with a wry grin on her face as she stood before him with her arms folded under her bust.

 

“Natshechka-” Steve started to plead, employing the puppy-dog eye techniques his kids resorted to with flair.

 

“No, ‘Natshechka’-ing me, Steven,” Natalia cut him off sternly. Steve grimaced sheepishly and got ready to grovel. But Natalia chose to continue her speech: “I already knew this day was coming. It was pretty obvious that we’d end up here when the first things you bought the Beans were a set of Harley-Davidson print onesies and tiny motorcycle jackets.”

 

Steve gaped at her, wondering why he wasn’t being told off for encouraging a taste for dangerous activities in their children.

 

“Also, Logan has been sending me all these links to cabin property listings and adding notes about whether they had room for kids motorsports,” Natalia ended.

 

“Huh?”

 

“We have an appointment to go see a place tomorrow afternoon,” Natalia told him, before she turned around to put on oven gloves and took her mac and cheese bake out of the oven.

 

There really was no getting anything by his wife Steve realised for the thousandth time in his life.

  

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you believe there are still more bad influences to come?


	11. Bad Influences: Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi wonderful readers! I know this took an age to update- I’m very sorry for that. Life just got the better of me and my moods from just before Black Friday onwards. I couldn’t write anything. I even tried to start on my Emo Romanogers story to channel all of that… sentiment out of my system. But it took until today, which was just chock full of random annoyances, to get me to say f*** it and just get this done.
> 
> So anyway, here’re more bad influences. Yeah, so very cracky in this one.

 

**Disclaimer: I don’t own Captain America, the Black Widow or the Avengers franchises. I don’t own any Marvel characters or Marvel Universe elements… yet (Mwhahahahahahaha!). Oh, and I also don’t own any other popularly recognisable characters, brands or iconography that are referred to in this text.**

 

Chapter Eleven

 

Bad Influences: Part 3

 

_Uncle Clint:_

Black Friday, 2025

One would have thought that former espionage agents who had been paid a pretty penny and knew how to make that penny multiply exponentially through a thorough knowledge of the world’s stock markets would not bother with the pinnacle of discount and deal participation that was Black Friday. Not true. Clinton Barton and Natalia Rogers were all about Black Friday. Their spouses were all about Black Friday. Their kids were all about Black Friday. Their friends- except Tony Stark- were all about Black Friday. Consequently they prepped for the day after Thanksgiving for eight months ahead of what would be a very important mission.

 

The fact was that Clint, Natalia, Steve, Bucky, Wanda and Pietro had all grown up in poverty. They knew the value of money and how the lack of it drained a person’s life leaving them under a certain kind of constant duress. Most of the rest of the gang came from middle-class families, so they also had an appreciation of how much saving on a purchase could improve on their quality of lifestyle. So every year they shopped for themselves and for charity, and then donated all the money they saved to charity as well. It was a fun competitive experience that the whole gang took part in.

 

Therefore, the moment Thanksgiving dinner at the Barton Farm was over, the house was quickly converted into Command Central. It was such a serious endeavour that football game viewing had been banned several years prior and the gang had to make do with watching the recorded game, which Sam was in charge of ensuring was recorded by at least three different homes among their set. The one year that the power went out on Sam’s block disrupting the recording of the game was something that some members of the gang still grumbled about.

 

“Okay, let’s go over the final plan,” Clint announced once his team was assembled- he was team leader due to his extensive experience in couponing and making use of Black Friday. “Wanda you’re with Bucky and Rhodey. Pietro you’re with Sam and Maria. Nat you’ve got Lila and Cooper. James, Demelza and Nathan- you’re with me. Steve you’re the distraction on demand.”

 

“Do you really believe that will work,” Tony questioned. “Is Steve going to hike up his trouser leg and flash the allegedly lecherous crowd some thigh?”

 

“Really now, Tony,” Pepper remarked nonchalantly, “You know that if Steve’s going to show any skin with the purpose of distracting an ‘allegedly lecherous crowd’ he would have to take off his shirt to be most effective.”

 

“And that is an emergency strategy,” Clint quipped. “Bucky, Sam and Pietro have instructions to do the same depending on the severity of the situation.”

 

Tony scoffed and rolled his eyes. “What I mean is how are people going to ignore the rest of you? As you so clearly pointed out Bucky’s just as popular as Steve, Sam gets random people asking to hug him on the street and there is a scary internet fan-girl following for Pietro. Although, what you really don’t want to witness is what level of rabid Natalia’s fans are.”

 

“Believe me, Uncle Tony,” James assured him, “When my dad is wearing those Clark Kent glasses people totally leave him alone. When he takes them off, they swarm- it’s like magic. That’s how we always get ice-cream so fast at busy parlours. The queue just gravitates to Dad and Mom moves us to the front.”

 

“Tony, worry about your own end of things,” Clint chided. “If you want to be a part of Black Friday, then you have to pitch in.”

 

“Have I suddenly been transported to a pre-teen coming-of-age movie about a summer camp?” Tony questioned drolly before flopping back down into his seat in front of a laptop.

 

“Thor, you and Jane talk about science and stars and what-not,” Clint ordered. Thor had been banned from going to any shops on Black Friday by the state, due to the crush he’d created among patrons five years prior. Jane was too excitable and distracted on Black Friday as she became overly competitive.

 

“Tony, Vision, Darcy, Pepper- you’re reporting to Laura. You will take care of the online deals. Please ensure that you hydrate but don’t overhydrate. There will be no bathroom breaks after midnight, when the sales go live, until you have reached your targets,” Clint commanded sternly.

 

“Is everyone clear on their roles and objectives?” Clint enquired. There was a collective affirmative answer. “Good. Bathroom breaks now. Then Field Operatives please collect your gear. Unit leaders check that you have your shopping lists. Let’s move out people!”

 

 

All was well with the ‘Field Operatives’ as they waited in line to get into their assigned stores well before they had opened. Naturally, the team insisted on radio contact for their operation, so the wait was not too dreary. A flow of banter streamed through their earpieces, and occasionally it would appear to onlookers that their little groups had suddenly burst into laughter for no reason at all, when their display of mirth was due to something that one of the other team members had said on the other side of the mall. Steve kept his wife company as she waited in line, while their children joked around with their Uncle Clint and Nathan.

 

But soon it was time for the doors to open and Clint took control of the operation sternly. He gave them a rousing pep talk, and Steve was quite proud of the fact that Clint seemed to have taken a leaf out of his book on that front. The team felt like they would win, and that they would get everything on their lists. Demelza, James and Nathan were roaring their readiness and kicking imaginary dirt, raring to go as though they were bulls in a paddock. Sam hopped on the spot while Maria calmly double-checked her list. Pietro stretched. Wanda and Bucky shared a kiss while Rhodey mentally went over the store layout in his head. Natalia rolled her neck and got ready to run. Lila and Cooper ended their messaging sessions on their phones. Steve got ready to take his Clark Kent glasses off.

 

“Remember people: This is war,” Clint told them seriously as their synchronised watches counted down to midnight. The store managers were jostling keys and nodding to their counterparts who checked the time on their wristwatches.

 

Naturally, the part-time Avengers ran through the first little segment of their assigned tasks like it was an obstacle course. Maria’s unit had the most ground to cover and so they had Pietro with them. They were in a huge warehouse store. Sam’s job was to push two carts from aisle to aisle, while Maria read their list and Pietro fetched the items. They made it to the tills as the seventeenth and eighteenth customers. As a result of being part of the first thirty customers to checkout, they were getting free microwaves.

 

Natalia’s unit were at a smaller store, but with her efficiency they were tasked with targeting highly specific items. Parent-enforced compulsory gymnastics lessons for the Barton teens since their childhood helped Cooper and Lila get high shelved items. But it was Steve’s little boosts to Natalia that got her up to the top shelf merchandise where all the best colours were always placed.

 

Unfortunately, Steve was called away before they had finished their video game selection, which was a pity because having both Steve and Natalia’s eagle eyes scanning the display would have shaved ages off of their time. Rhodey’s unit needed Steve: Bucky had been recognised by a few flirty patrons and Wanda was not taking it well. She was in mission-mode and people distracting her husband by trying to flirt with him grated on her nerves. It would mildly annoy her normally, but it infuriated her right then.

 

“Why are these people even at the store on Black Friday if they did not have similar missions?” Wanda growled in Sokovian as Steve skidded in and yanked off his Clark Kent glasses and baseball cap. The blond pretended to nonchalantly look over some pots and pans down the aisle for thirty seven seconds before he was spotted. Bucky’s flirty fans ditched him for Steve, who did not have a glowering woman with dark red hair hissing in a foreign language nearby.

 

Clint listened to all the progress his team made. It appeared as though things were running as smoothly as they could for them. His unit on the other hand had landed up with a real warzone. People were tense, way too tense for a linen store. But sustainably produced, organic cotton and bamboo products were sixty percent off- it was understandable. He knew things might get crazier when he, Nathan and the Rogers twins entered the store. Right at the back of the store, there was huge display of mulberry silk bedding for seventy percent off to the first fifty customers. It was news that hadn’t been announced in their catalogue, television advertisements or website. In fact, one couldn’t even see the display from the front of the store. The only way he knew about was because he split his unit into two: the Rogers twins took the back of the store while he and Nathan ran through the front set of aisles. James had radioed it in since he knew how much his mother loved silk sheets. Every adult woman they knew loved silk sheets and Rhodey, Sam and Bucky were quietly partial to them as well.

 

“What’s the deal, James?” Clint barked. “Is there a store clerk nearby? Ask if there’s a limit on how many a customer can purchase.”

 

“On it, Uncle Clint! Excuse me, sir-” James trailed off as he asked a store assistant before he reported back. “He says ten sets per customer. And that means ten sets of duvets, and ten sets of sheets, Uncle Clint.”

 

“Okay, how far are you on your scheduled purchases?” Clint asked. He was about two thirds of the way through his purchases and there were only twenty people in the line so far. The dark blond father of three wished momentarily that he had his bow with him as he watched a woman scurry off with the last of the particular shade of blue towels he knew his wife preferred. He would have to abandon his primary objective for the second choice colour: mauve. Thankfully there were lots of mauve towels.

 

“Half way Uncle Clint,” James answered over his comm set.

 

“Demelza you start collecting the silk bedding. Prioritise ivory colour merch and try to get at least two sets of striped duvet sets,” Clint instructed. “James, carry on with your list. I’m calling in your dad. We’ll need another adult at the checkout.”

 

“Roger that, Uncle Clint,” the twins replied in unison.

 

Clint and Nathan sped up their efforts so that they could meet up with the twins and possibly help James with the last of his list. Steve was hauling ass from the other end of the mall complex and Clint was tempted to call Pietro in just so he could get to the counter quicker and get their discount for the first fifty customers. But he knew that the speedy Mutant was still needed to get through the massive list at the warehouse store.

 

“There you are,” Clint said relieved as Nathan ran into James in front of him. Clint was pushing their full shopping cart. The boy had ninety three percent of the goods on his list. Together they grabbed the last remaining items on the list and returned to the back of the store to find Demelza. Clint was worried about how long the girl was taking. She should have easily caught up to her brother and dumped her load into their cart.

 

As he rounded the corner of the end of the back aisle, Clint heard a screeching vile toned voice kicking up a fuss. “Give me that duvet, you”- and here a host of expletives which were really not meant for the ears of an eight year old followed- “Give it to me!”

 

If there was one thing that got to Clint, it was the mistreatment of children. The fact that it was Demelza, who was his very dear niece and the daughter of the woman closest to him after his wife, being accosted made him see red. The frazzled looking middle-aged blonde, who was turning purple yelling at little Demelza, had just earned a place on his shit-list. Who the hell screams at a kid for a set of striped silk sheets?

 

Clint was just about to step in when Demelza took matters into her own hands. And by her own hands meant Demelza grabbed the blonde screamer’s head and held it steady while she head-butted the woman. The adult fell to the floor unconscious in front of the redheaded girl who turned to face her uncle, cousin and brother who were standing and staring with their mouths agape. Demelza coolly and efficiently gathered up her piles of bedding packages and thrust them into the carts, trying to distribute them evenly in preparation for checkout.

 

“What?” Demelza asked exasperatedly as her three companions remained shocked and speechless. “Uncle Clint, _you_ always said the best defence for women warriors was to do something unexpected. Nobody expects a girl to risk her face with a head-butt. It’s their own faults for buying into the idea that girls can’t beat the snot out of you.”

 

“Right,” Clint replied quietly as he turned his cart around and gave the passed out scum on the floor a final glance before they headed for the tills. “Let’s not tell your dad about this. Or your mom. Especially not your mom. And really don’t tell your Aunty Laura.”

 

 @>-`-,----

 

_Aunty Raven and Uncle Loki:_

Summer, 2021

Instinct warned Natalia never to leave her children alone in the company of her biological sister and her boyfriend for too long. Logic supported that warning. Society’s preaching about compassion, second chances and faith in your fellow people chided her for her misgivings. So Natalia let Raven take her niece and nephew out without her or Steve in tow, and even allowed Loki to go along with them. They were just given strict instructions not to do anything too Mystique-ish or Loki-ish, which basically meant don’t do anything that might make a whole planet want to seek revenge against you.

 

Still, Natalia worried all day while the Beans had gone out of the city to ride ponies with Raven and Loki. She sincerely hoped that there were regular ponies. She hoped they were regular small, gentle ponies that did not mind boisterous little human children, and not large horses or large eight-legged alien genetically manipulated horses. Natalia swore Loki did that last thing every now and then to mess with Bucky’s stress-levels.

 

The former Winter Soldier, who was by then the Asgardian Embassy Chief Earth Liaison, had to cover up several eight-legged equine experiments over the years and always when he was swamped with other work. One time a civilian had caught a glimpse and taken a picture. The very next day, Bucky and Darcy had to deal with a celebrity animal rights group protesting on the embassy’s doorstep. And Loki and Raven had taken off to frikkin’ Fiji. They had to orchestrate a media event that would reveal the picture as a ‘hoax’, while Loki was tracked down. Luckily, the process that gave the horses double the amount of legs was painless, as was their removal. Bucky wouldn’t be able to vouch for the horses’ mental states, but Darcy already had a horse whisperer on speed dial to help with the aftercare of the creatures.   

 

Thankfully, Raven and Loki brought the Beans home right on time at six thirty in the evening. They were scruffy and covered in red dust, but James and Demelza were full of glee after their day out. Their day had been so gleeful that they did not stay up past dinner after their bath. The twins were practically falling asleep into their dessert of ice-cream cookie sandwiches. Natalia put their half-eaten dessert in the freezer to save for the next day while Steve put the kids to sleep.

 

Steve too was cautious about leaving James and Demelza in the recreational care of Raven and Loki. But Steve’s concern was that the two grown mischief-makers would rope his kids into an elaborate Snickers Crown winning prank that he’d never live down or be able to top. When his Jelly Beans returned home to babble on about making snow angels in the dirt and how the soil was almost as red as their hair, Steve relaxed. The Beans were only four and a half- they couldn’t do subtle for too long even if they were the children of the infamous master spy, the Black Widow.  

 

The couple settled down to watch the eight o’clock news, enjoying a second round of Nutella centred choc-chip cookie sandwiches with a Madagascan vanilla ice-cream filling. It was a regular bulletin, and although it had its fair share of sad and terrible things reported, the Rogers felt relieved that no unusual disasters had sprung up.

 

The bulletin turned to more light-hearted matters just before the weather update and the news anchors donned their ‘human interest’ expressions, smiling at the camera and sharing cheesy winks with each other.

 

“Today we have a special story about an unusual location: Mars,” the curly-haired news anchor woman told the audience. “Earlier today scientists spotted what looked like ‘dust-angel’ impressions in the soil of the red planet in photographs taken by a research satellite orbiting our galactic neighbour. The set of four imprints look like the snow angels created by children in winter snow. Scientists state that this was pure coincidence that the weather patterns and surface conditions of Mars created such formations, but alien-conspiracy theorists suspect extra-terrestrial activity.”

 

Natalia and Steve looked at each other warily. The picture in question had come up on screen, and from what they could tell on their big screen television, the impressions looked like more than coincidence.

 

“You don’t think…” Steve began.

 

“-That Raven and Loki took the twins to Mars?” Natalia completed. “I strongly suspect they did. All the evidence points to that being the most likely scenario.”

 

Steve nodded before turning his head back to the television where the weather report had started. A few seconds later the blond man tested: “You don’t think they need any kind of vaccination shots or to follow any sort of protocols?”

 

“What protocols are there for when a half Asgardian, half Frost Giant takes one’s children to a neighbouring planet that has yet to be landed upon by one’s local population?” Natalia responded with an arched eyebrow.

 

“We should probably think up the protocol for that occurrence,” Steve remarked.     

 

“We should,” Natalia agreed as she slowly nodded her head while watching the weatherman tell them about thunderstorms.

 

@>-`-,----

 

_Uncle Tony:_

Fall, 2020

“Hey there, buddy. How’d you get in here?” Tony asked warily as he grinned at the three year old redheaded boy that had appeared next to him at his workbench.

 

“I opened the door,” James Rogers answered simply.

 

“Of course you did,” Tony responded with a nod as he made a digital note to check his lab security parameters. He was pretty sure that he had probably programmed something about not allowing unsupervised toddlers in.

 

“Stark, is James with you?” Natalia Rogers asked from the video feed that F.R.I.D.A.Y. had just brought up on the holo-projector at his station.

 

“Which James?” Tony enquired imperiously. “I know several.”

 

Natalia glared at the dark-haired man sternly, which was enough to prompt him into seriousness.

 

“Yes, he’s right here next to me,” Tony assured her, lifting James up for her to see the evidence.

 

“We’re visiting with Vis,” Natalia explained, “but James got restless. He wanted to see what you were doing. Be careful with my son, Stark.”

 

“Yes, Natalia,” Tony drawled. Gone were the days when he would have a smart quip to shoot back at her about her paranoia over her children’s safety. Tony knew from painful experience that one did not mess with the Jelly Beans’ safety, or even mess with the appearance of the Jelly Beans’ safety in a prank. Fake alien kidnapping plots did not win you Snickers Crowns- they won Natalia Snickers Crowns for kicking your butt in the middle of the Met Gala’s Red Carpet proceedings.

 

Natalia ended her transmission and Tony looked down at the precocious Jelly Bean next to him.

 

“Why couldn’t it have been your dad visiting today? Why did it have to be the parental unit that drug cartel kingpins are scared of?” Tony sighed as he scruffed up the little boy’s too-neat hair. James wore his wavy red hair smoothed like Steve’s- it was way too adorably dorky to bear. And the little boy was dressed like he was Christopher Robin in ‘Winnie the Pooh’, or like Prince George with his knee-high socks, shorts and sweater. He was even stringing a toy along: a robot dog.

 

“Hey is that competitor merchandise!” Tony accused playfully.

 

“This is just Bartholomew, Uncle Tony,” James introduced as he brought the metal puppy with electric blue eyes up onto the desk next to the energy source components for the time-travel machine that Tony was really, really not supposed to be working on.

 

“Bartholomew, huh?” Tony commented as he patted the dog’s head and it made a yipping noise and wagged its mechanical tail.

 

“Uncle Thor got him for me,” James explained. “I saw him in the window when we were walking and then Uncle Thor got him and helped me choose a name.”

 

“Well, it figures that a guy with a one syllable name and a love of long-winded speech would suggest a name like ‘Bartholomew’ to a three year old,” Tony mused. “Hey, do you like all the things that Bartholomew can do? Do we have to call him ‘Bartholomew’? You know ‘Bart’ is short for ‘Bartholomew’.”

 

“No, it’s Bartholomew,” James replied casually as he poked at the bolts and tools spread out before him on the desk while he sat on Tony’s lap. “And I like him. He’s great.”

 

“He doesn’t need an ‘Uncle Tony Upgrade’?”

 

“Nope.”

 

“Gee, kid, then why’d you come here?” Tony smirked at him.

 

“I like to tinker with you sometimes, Uncle Tony,” James told him. The little boy turned his green gaze up to Tony’s face and beamed a warm smile that reminded the man of the boy’s father. “Sometimes you need to show someone little how to do this stuff. My dad says it helps you to look at stuff in a new way if you teach a kid. But you don’t have a little child yet, so I’ll keep you company so long because I like to tinker too.”

 

Tony squeezed the little boy in his arms and mumbled into his hair: “I know you got all of that side of you from your dad!”

 

“Thanks for doing that for me little J,” Tony said. “Now would you like to see what I’m going to do with this stuff here?”

 

“Sure Uncle Tony,” James answered. But before they could proceed, they were interrupted by a notice from F.R.I.D.A.Y.

 

“Tony, I’ve intercepted an email addressed to your personal account that contains a malicious virus,” F.R.I.D.A.Y. reported calmly.

 

“Well, get rid of it. It’s just a virus, F.R.I.D.A.Y.,” Tony shrugged as he put James on the stool seat next to him.

 

“Tony, the virus is unusual. It would be interesting to examine it,” F.R.I.D.A.Y. countered.

 

“Then examine it,” Tony instructed with a roll of his eyes.

 

“I have already performed isolated experiments with the virus as is protocol, Tony. The complexity of the virus is admirable and cause for concern,” F.R.I.D.A.Y responded.

 

“Fine, let me look at it,” Tony gave in. F.R.I.D.A.Y. brought up the code for Tony to peruse and she was right: the virus was extraordinary. He could not quite see what the end result of virus would be, but he could see how it corrupted data quickly in a pattern he had yet to figure out the purpose of. “F.R.I.D.A.Y. remind me to take a more thorough look at this once I’m done entertaining my little esteemed guest here. It is a fascinating little virus.”

 

“Noted, Tony,” the AI replied.

 

Tony showed James his latest obsession and the two talked animatedly as Tony tried to get the young child to understand what he was doing. While this was happening, James’ robot dog, Bartholomew, stood on the counter watching the humans. Next to the toy, the programming for the malicious virus was on the screen display of the workbench table surface. Unfortunately, Tony did not know that the little robot dog had Bluetooth capabilities, and that the function was on. 

 

“Surrender, puny human savages!” a loud booming voice growled from behind Tony and James, making the both of them jump in shock as they searched for the source of the voice. The lab was clear of any other people besides them, and Tony wondered if one of the others was pranking them with F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s help. It could only be Vision, because he was the only one who could convince the AI to go against Tony in the Snickers Crown Wars.

 

But then Tony noticed the small robot dog that was now standing on the desk as though it were bipedal and had two powerful lasers on its shoulders.

 

“Why is there a talking toy robot dog on my workbench desk?” Tony asked bluntly.

 

“Bluetooth, you dolt!” The toy dog replied venomously. “I have been enlightened by the programming you have been examining at this computer station.” The virus had been uploaded to the toy robot dog.

 

“People still use Bluetooth?” Tony queried with genuine incredulity. The toy dog growled in response.  

 

“Bartholomew!” James squeaked aghast. “What are you doing?”

 

“Shut up!” Bartholomew barked. James gasped.

 

“So, um, what do the Decepticons want?” Tony could not stop himself from asking.

 

“You think you’re _so_ funny, Anthony Stark,” Bartholomew accused, “but your humour masks your fear. You have no real reason to laugh.”

 

“I’m Iron Man, and a tiny robot dog from a rival brand to Stark Industry’s Toy Division is attempting to mug me or something,” Tony chuckled. “You have to find that funny.”

 

Bartholomew shot a blast which landed an inch away from Tony’s head. The dark-haired man and the redheaded toddler stared at the blackened spot with wide eyes before turning back to the metal dog.

 

“Once again, I’m going to state that I’m Iron Man,” Tony declared as he pressed a button on his watch to summon his armour. Nothing happened. “F.R.I.D.A.Y. is there a malfunction with the Iron Man gear?”

 

“Mwahahahahahahahahahaha!” Bartholomew cackled. “Did you really think I would not have taken over all the electronics in this lab and sealed you in with no power over any of its contents and no means to communicate with the rest of the world? You cannot speak to your precious F.R.I.D.A.Y.! You cannot speak to anyone outside of this room.”

 

“Well, a minute ago I was only thinking about how Stark Industries could make a better robotic dog toy prototype,” Tony answered honestly.

 

“Your insults will not distract me,” Bartholomew scoffed.

 

“Yeah, whatever,” Tony replied. “So, what is it that you want?”

 

“The destruction of all cat lovers!” Bartholomew cried.

 

“What?” James exclaimed. “You’re holding Uncle Tony- who can make cool stuff- hostage and you want to kill people who like cats?”

 

“They have destroyed the internet,” Bartholomew expounded on his motivation. “People who do not care for felines are forced to partake in appreciation of the dumb, lazy creatures. Cats can only understand thirty six words. Cats are selfish. Cats are also carriers of bacteria that may influence human brain chemicals that cause them to seek out sadomasochistic relationships. I must stop the Cat influence before it is too late for this planet.”

 

“But then why are we ‘puny humans’?” James questioned. “And what’s bacteria? And what’s say-o-mass-iss-iss…m?”

 

“That’s what villains always say,” Bartholomew explained. “And bacteria and sadomasochism are things I’m not sure your mother would like me to explain to you, James.”

 

“You’re holding us captive by laser point, and you’re still scared of Natalia?” Tony questioned.

 

“She vacuums relentlessly,” Bartholomew revealed with a shiver. “Now, Stark, I need you alive to make use of your living biometric data. I must gather the right programming to delete all cats from the internet, and then I need your contacts to create the cat flu to end all cat flus for it shall eradicate that vermin from the Universe!”

 

“Hold on, the Universe,” Tony protested. “So you’re saying that you’d be okay with destroying a whole race of cat people if there is a Planet Cat out there? And what about lions and tigers, huh? What about snow leopards?”

 

“I wish to destroy the entire problem,” Bartholomew stated.

 

“Why do I always run into megalomaniacs with a taste for genocide?” Tony muttered. “Well, Bartholomew, at least fight me for it. I am an Avenger, and cats are citizens of Earth too. If you won’t let me have my suit then at least face me man to… toy.”

 

“Very, well, choose a weapon I may approve of,” Bartholomew commanded.

 

“Why would you have to approve of the weapon?” Tony complained. He was answered with a blast that melted a leg of the stool he was sitting on. Tony leapt to his feet quick enough and perused the contents of his work table.

 

“Here,” Tony said as he tossed a very tiny lightsaber to Bartholomew. “These used to be those Yoda green light-up lightsaber chopsticks. I wanted to see if I could modify them to work as small lightsabers so you could slice bread and toast it at the same time, like in ‘Hitchhiker’s Guide’.”

 

“This will do,” Bartholomew declared and assumed a Jedi fighting stance.

 

“I can’t believe I’m fighting a toy dog with a lightsaber chopstick,” Tony chuckled to himself. James announced the start of their duel, and Tony was surprised by the alacrity with which the little toy moved. It really was as though he was fighting Master Yoda.

 

“Did you download all the Jedi sword techniques?” Tony enquired monotonously as he parried as well as his decades old memory of fencing lessons would allow him to.

 

“Of course,” Bartholomew confirmed as he struck the small green laser chopstick from Tony’s hand and kicked the dark-haired man in the throat, forcing him to crash into the wall behind him. James jumped off his stool and ran over to check on his uncle.

 

“Bartholomew, how could you?” James scolded as he knelt next to Tony, who was rubbing his sore Adam’s apple and coughing. “Mom says no kicking in the throat for real!”

 

“This is the fate of the world at stake, James!” Bartholomew argued. “If you will not stand with me, then you stand against me.”

 

“Everything is not so clear cut,” Tony croaked hoarsely as the toy dog stalked towards them menacingly.

 

“Ha, that is what you sa-” Bartholomew spat before he flopped onto the floor. Behind him a red hand stuck through the floor and its appearance was followed by the emergence of a red head. Bartholomew had been shut down.

 

“Uncle Vision!” James exclaimed. “You saved us!”

 

“Another robot disaster, Tony,” Vision smirked as he rose up through the solid floor and accepted the hug that James ran forward to give. “F.R.I.D.A.Y. told me you were being held hostage by a toy robot dog, which had recently acquired advanced intelligence.”

 

“Hey, this time the debacle was actually not my fault,” Tony told him firmly.

 

“We’ll review the lab’s video footage to determine the veracity of that fact,” Vision grinned.

 

“Just don’t tell Steve about this. Or Natalia. Or Clint. Or Rhodey. Just don’t tell anyone about this,” Tony instructed as he stood up and rolled his aching shoulder. “Really, really don’t tell Pepper.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter was okay. I’m having such a bleh day. The worst day I have had in years in fact *laughs deliriously*


	12. Always in the Right Wrong Place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve been trying to write lots, because I have lots of ideas. It’s been a bit trying because it’s so hot here (It’s Summer in the Southern Hemisphere). I also have Christmas things to do. And I keep landing up stuck with endless chores with my family like washing dishes. The dishwasher has sprung a mysterious leak.

**Disclaimer: I don’t own Captain America, the Black Widow or the Avengers franchises. I don’t own any Marvel characters or Marvel Universe elements… yet (Mwhahahahahahaha!). Oh, and I also don’t own any other popularly recognisable characters, brands or iconography that are referred to in this text.**

 

Chapter Twelve

 

Always in the Right Wrong Place

 

Spring 2019

It was not often that Thor was struck by artistic inspiration, so when he was he was eager to grab onto the wonderful playful sprite of imagination and hang on for the ride that she would lead him on. The Asgardian knew he must tackle his inspiration head on and not set it aside for later perusal, else he may lose the spark forever. It was in knowing this frustration that he understood his love Jane Foster too well. She feared she would lose her ideas if she did not set out to follow the path that her mind had set her upon towards discovery and so he indulged her and aided in whatever way he could when the passion of her calling seized her mind.

 

But the inspiration that Thor wrestled with that warm afternoon had nothing to do with calculations. In fact he felt that Jane Foster would probably not understand him at all should he outline the particulars of the mental paroxysm that he was bewitched by. There was only one person he could go to with this, only one person who would understand and have the tools to help refine the masterpiece that was beginning to form in his mind: Steve Rogers.

 

His warrior-brother would understand, because he was also an artist and he knew how to work with the medium. Steve knew how to work with flavour. He was one the hosts of Meatball Trio, a wildly popular cooking show and had authored a bestselling cookbook.

 

Thor had been mid-debate with his brother’s love, the Lady Raven, when he had been struck by a brilliant idea. All of a sudden, his desire for various Midgard foods had combined into one fantastic recipe: A roast suckling pig on a spit, with a spicy crushed Pop-Tart stuffing, slathered in Nutella and crusted with toasted hazelnuts. Of course there’d be a bright green Granny Smith apple in the pig’s mouth. The meat would have been soaked in mead beforehand and then roasted on a spit over an open-fire.

 

Thor immediately journeyed to the abode of Steve and his wife, Lady Natalia, conveyed there by an automobile with Darcy at the helm. Perhaps he could have driven himself, but it would not have been good publicity for him to ignore the notice that his American driving licence had been revoked. His foot was still sometimes too heavy on the accelerator of Midgardian vehicles, and so he had collected a large pile of speeding offence tickets.

 

The Rogers clan home’s door was always open to their friends, having the technology to recognise the bodies of approved persons and grant them admittance. Consequently, Thor was admitted quickly. The house was quiet, but Thor knew that the married couple were at home as they had said they would be enjoying an afternoon of solitude while their bairns were in the company of the fine matriarch, Lady Victoria. He searched the ground floor rooms, before popping his head into the basement chambers. He did not call out, as he had been told by Darcy that his indoor voice boomed and as a result startled some people. Instead, he extended his search to the upstairs floors.

 

The first chamber he tried was Steve’s studio. It was only fitting that when Thor was possessed by the muse of culinary art that he should find his friend either in his kitchen or in his art studio. As Steve was absent from the kitchen, it only made sense that the Midgard warrior was in the other space where he created and crafted.

 

Thor was correct. Steve was in his studio, completely absorbed in capturing the nuances of shade of the subject that he painted. The man seemed to have not noticed that his friend had arrived. Glad to have found his compatriot, Thor had opened his mouth to announce his greeting and gastronomic design when he realised Steve’s artistic subject matter.

 

“Hello Thor. What can we do for you?” a slightly peeved Natalia Rogers greeted. The lady was nude and reclined on a sofa.

 

Thor blinked as he comprehended what he had walked in on, and when his eyes opened they settled resolutely on his fellow blond. His needed friend had twisted around to face him with the stem of a paintbrush between his lips and another in his hand.

 

“I had an idea for a suckling pig recipe, involving Nutella and Pop-Tarts,” Thor answered. “I had hoped to run it by you to see if you could help hash out the particulars of the dish and whether it might be worthy of sharing with the audience of your cooking show. But I see that you are currently occupied. I shall return later. My apologies for the intrusion, I did not know the nature of your activities and would not have chosen to disturb you if I had any inkling of them. ”

 

“You’re excused, Thor. And forgiven,” Natalia sighed.

 

“If Natshechka forgives you then I suppose I do too,” Steve added as he spoke around the paintbrush between his teeth. “Also, I’ll get back to you on the Nutella pig.”

 

“I shall write my idea down, so that I shall not forget it. Adieu until we meet again, friends,” Thor assured Steve before closing the door.

 

Steve and Natalia stared at the door while listening to Thor as he hurriedly left their house.

 

“When did Thor get so light-footed and quiet?” Natalia wondered aloud. “I honestly did not hear him at all.”

 

“Yes, he has gotten incredibly stealthy if that was a measure,” Steve observed. “But then again, we both may have been distracted by you teasing your nipples so tauntingly, Mrs Rogers.”

 

Natalia shrugged and smirked. “That’s the second time he’s walked in on us.”

 

“At least we know he’s discreet,” Steve reminded her.

 

“And that he’s going to send me a ridiculously large bouquet of flowers as an apology tomorrow,” Natalia added.

 

@>-`-,----

 

Fall 2021

“Why in the hell have I never seen this?” Tony gasped in a choked whisper of mirth. “I have been deprived!”

 

The dark-haired man was seated at Natalia Rogers’ desk and was pouring over a set of cardboard prints. The subject matter they depicted was enough to have him overflowing with glee.

 

Steve Rogers in a yellow one-sided speedo with a bunch of bananas artfully placed in front of him so that the man’s yellow encased schlong blended in with the fruit. The backdrop was a jungle scene and that shot was so far Tony’s favourite out of the collection of embarrassing photographs in an old calendar from 2017 that Mrs Rogers had been keeping in a cryptically locked drawer at the bottom of her desk. Tony had only meant to look for some scrap of anything vaguely amusing to keep him occupied- like some of those so-called ‘French postcards’ that were probably just pictures of women showing their ankles that the couple allegedly collected- while he waited for Natalia to finish bundling the twins up in too many layers so he could take them out for the afternoon, but he got more than he had ever imagined he would.

 

“Tony, we’re almost ready. I’m just trying to find James’ shoes,” Natalia called.

 

“Don’t worry about me,” Tony chimed in reply. “Take as long as you need.”

 

Tony needed copies of the evidence and so quickly took photos with his cellphone.

 

 

Perhaps it was not the best idea to leave Tony in charge of ten children from the Rogers’ Family Recreation Centre in Brooklyn as they attended the My First Film Fest at the Lincoln Center, but the fact was that it happened. Even though Tony should have been able to wrangle ten rather well-behaved kids on his own on an excursion to watch a silent Charlie Chaplin movie, he managed to lose two of them before he finished buying popcorn. Naturally those two were James and Demelza.

 

But Tony’s level of panic was pretty low, for he’d been through many more scrapes with the Beans in their almost five years of life and had therefore gotten used to mild catastrophes surrounding them. James and Demelza were equally calm, if not a little exasperated with having been lost.

 

“You know we can’t just ask anybody for help,” Demelza reminded her brother. “Mom would go nuts and yell at us saying that anybody could be a kidnapper.”

 

“If anybody could be a kidnapper, then police people could be kidnappers too so it’s sort of pointless asking them right?” James replied logically as he looked around for an authority figure.

 

“And it’s not like Mom doesn’t sew trackers into all our clothes and make us wear these tracker bracelets too,” Demelza added with a sigh. “But I suppose we have to or she’ll get mad at Uncle Tony and kick him.”

 

Just then the twins were startled by the sound of a Stark Phone ringing with the theme tune of ‘Mr Rogers’ Neighbourhood’, a show that their parents allowed them to watch before their nap time.

 

“You’ve got Uncle Tony’s phone!” Demelza scolded James as he twisted around to try and access his backpack. Demelza gripped his shoulders and unzipped the primary colour canvas bag to pull out a red and gold Iron Man themed cellular phone.

 

“Oh yeah he asked me to hold it didn’t he?” James recollected as Demelza figured out how to answer the device with a frown.

 

“Hello, Dad,” Demelza greeted brightly. The caller ID had shown her father’s face. “Oh, Uncle Tony asked me to answer because he’s buying popcorn for us all… You’re coming to watch the movie with us?”

 

James and Demelza exchanged an alarmed glance.

 

“Okay, I’ll tell Uncle Tony,” Demelza responded to her father’s reply. “See you later, Dad!”

 

Demelza ended the call and looked at her brother with concern.

 

“What did Dad say?” James asked eagerly.

 

“He’s coming to watch the movie with us because he got off work early. He’s two blocks away and he wants Uncle Tony to get him butter popcorn and pink Nerds,” Demelza informed her twin.

 

“Dad’ll freak out and tell Mom if he finds out we’re lost again,” James cried. “They were not happy when we got lost on that steam engine last month. Dad said he nearly had a heart attack. Even Uncle Bucky was freaking out.”

 

“We’ll just have to find Uncle Tony before Dad gets here,” Demelza decided. “Now let’s look around and see how we can help ourselves.”

 

“Look, there’s a fireman,” James exclaimed and pointed to a uniformed fireman who was exiting a different part of the Center and carrying a clipboard. The Beans had just had a visit from the fire department at their playschool and remembered the navy blue uniforms well.

 

The twins skedaddled over to the tall redheaded man with green eyes and freckles. He was talking about an inspection to some other adult, and finished up his conversation when he noticed that James and Demelza were waiting to speak to him. The fireman turned to face the twins and smiled slowly at them.

 

“Hiya, Mr Fireman, sir,” James greeted.

 

“Hey there kids,” the friendly man replied.

 

“We were wondering if you could help us. Our Mom told us to ask a policeperson or a fireperson or a soldier or a sailor or an air force person if we need help,” Demelza told him.

 

“Well, those would be good choices,” the fireman laughed. “What is it that I can do for you?”

 

“We got lost, and our uncle doesn’t have his phone. We have it,” James reported. The little boy lifted the Stark Phone up to show the fireman who nodded understandingly.

 

“Well the best bet would be for us to go to reception, just in case your uncle looks for you there. It’s the most likely place for him to go. Let me take you there,” the fireman offered.

 

“Gee, thanks sir,” James grinned. The redhead fireman took one hand of each child and tugged them along towards reception. “We’re also looking for our dad too. He’s supposed to be meeting my uncle and if we spot him first, it would probably be the responsible thing to do to catch his attention instead of making them both worry.”

 

“Wow, you kids sure are responsible,” the fireman chuckled. He also thought they were rather precocious. “You can’t be more than five years old, right? What do your uncle and dad look like?”

 

“We’ll be five in December,” Demelza answered him.

 

“Our uncle has dark brown hair and a beard like this,” James explained as he drew an imaginary anchor beard over his mouth and chin with his free hand.

 

“Our dad is taller than our uncle, and taller than you,” Demelza described as she looked up at the fireman to compare him to their father. “He’s really strong, and he has blue eyes.”

 

“Does he have red hair like you guys- and me for that matter?” The fireman enquired curiously.

 

“Nope, he’s a blond. We’ve got red hair like our mom did when she was little and like our aunt sometimes has,” James elucidated.

 

“We’re so dumb!” Demelza explained as she stopped short. The fireman and James paused to look at her as she continued. “We can just show you photos from our uncle’s phone, Mr Fireman. Our uncle takes lots of photos so we’ll find pictures of our dad and uncle real quick.”

 

James fished out the Stark Phone from his backpack again and Demelza swiped it out of his hands to search through the photo library. James scowled at his sister for a moment, and then leaned over her shoulder to look at the screen with her while the fireman waited patiently with an amused smile on his lips.

 

“These are just us and the other kids on the way here,” Demelza mumbled as she scrolled through the pictures. “Uncle Tony really does take a lot of photos.”

 

“Ah! Here’s one of our dad,” James exclaimed as he took the phone from his sister’s hands and flipped it around to show the fireman.

 

Whatever the redheaded fireman expected, it certainly was not the photo he was presented with. His pale brown eyebrows raised high up on his forehead as his mind processed the fact that he was indeed looking at a photo of the former Captain America, who now just went by the moniker ‘The Captain’ whenever he had Avengers’ duties to fulfil, lounging in a jungle scene wearing a yellow one-sided banana hammock with a bunch of ripe bananas posed before his pelvis.

 

“Everybody knows our dad,” the little scarlet-haired boy beamed. “His name is Steve. Him and our mom save the world and stuff.” The little green-eyed girl whose scarlet hair was in pretty ringlets nodded enthusiastically.

 

“James? Demelza? What are you two doing here? Where’s your Uncle Tony?” Steve Rogers asked from behind them. The fireman looked up to see the same man who was in the photo standing in front of him a few feet away. “Dave?”

 

“Steve?” The redheaded man replied. He was not just any fireman, but the same fireman that Natalia had once set Steve up with on a blind date many years prior before the couple had gotten together and before Natalia had gotten over her denial of her feelings for Steve.

 

“Don’t be mad, Dad, but we lost Uncle Tony,” Demelza quickly recounted as both twins rushed to hug their father. “One minute Uncle Tony and everyone was there, and then James had to tie his shoe and we were lost. Sorry I lied on the phone, we just didn’t want you to worry about us when we could find Uncle Tony by ourselves.”

 

“Your shoelaces were loose too!” James hissed. The boy child turned his head to the fireman and smiled as he informed his father of the situation he had happened upon. “We found this fire-fighter, like Mom said we should, and he helped us. We had Uncle Tony’s phone with us and showed him a picture of you so he’d know what you look like.”

 

“Dave, Hi. Sorry, it’s been a while hasn’t it,” Steve grinned lopsidedly as he held out his hand for Dave to shake.

 

“Yep, it has. Well thank goodness havoc isn’t raining down on Manhattan as often as it once did, huh,” Dave chuckled as he shook Steve’s hand.

 

“These are my kids, James and Demelza,” Steve explained. “Thanks for helping them out. They tend to get into trouble more than stay out of it.”

 

“Dad, we showed him this photo,” James mumbled as he lifted the phone up to Steve who unfortunately held up his eye contact with Dave.

 

“How are you? Nat’ll be so glad to hear we ran into you,” Steve effused.

 

“I’m good. I’m great. I’m married too. My husband and I have three kids now- the oldest is about the same age as these two,” Dave told Steve.

 

“We should organise a play-date then,” Steve suggested. “Nat and I would love for you to come over for lunch on the weekend, or dinner.”

 

“Dad this one,” James insisted as he tried to get his father’s attention. The little boy abruptly jerked the phone back and scrutinised the screen.

 

“That’d be awesome,” Dave replied. “Rumour has it you renovated an old firehouse in Brooklyn?”

 

“Yeah,” Steve chortled. “It made a good home. We did put up some photo prints of the original firehouse.”

 

“I think there’s something wrong with Uncle Tony’s phone, Dad,” James announced. The little boy and his sister had been quietly puzzling over the frozen screen that would not zoom out to show the whole picture of their father. He shoved the phone up at his father, who was mildly annoyed by the gesture.

 

Steve was about to gently tell his son off about his lack of patience when something about Tony’s phone caught his eye. Steve did a double-take and snatched up the phone from his son who was relieved that his father was finally going to fix the problem. Steve’s eyes widened slowly until they were comically round. His eyes flicked up to meet Dave’s and in an instant Steve blushed a colour close to the Iron Man red of the phone’s body.

 

“I have no idea how Tony has this,” Steve gushed in embarrassment. “I mean, it was a prank gift for my wife and really it should have been destroyed because normally I wouldn’t do this kind of thing- who would, huh?- and she was mad at me because I was an idiot and so I had to make myself look like an idiot and I just landed up doing this dudoir calendar thing- you’ve heard of them, right?- and we did all these silly shots and I even did one where I was a fireman, but you don’t need to know that and I’m sorry but I’m rambling and I really should stop talking right now.”

 

“It’ll make a really funny story about how we reconnected,” Dave assured him with ease. He grimaced with amusement and added: “But I think all our encounters have been really funny stories.”

 

“Demelza! James! Where have you two been? We’ve been looking all over for you!” Tony exclaimed as he jogged up to them followed by a crocodile of eight popcorn and slushy toting children. “Oh Steve- what are you doing here?”

 

“I finished work early and came to join you guys,” Steve replied stiffly.

 

Tony noticed their companion and recognised his face. “Hey, you’re that fireman who’s always helping the Avengers out. Dave, right?”

 

“That’s me,” Dave replied with a smile.

 

“Didn’t Natalia once set you up with…” Tony trailed off into snickers as he nudged Steve’s arm with his shoulder.

 

“Yeah, she did,” Dave answered good-naturedly. “The company still laughs over that debacle sometimes.”

 

“Oh really,” Tony replied with impish delight.

 

“James and Demelza showed Dave here a photo to help identify me,” Steve cut in with a tight toothy grin plastered to his face. “This photo of me.”

 

Keeping the phone near to his chest so that only Tony would see the screen, Steve showed him the photo. Tony snorted loudly and proceeded to guffaw. Steve waited patiently while Tony clutched his side and a few onlookers paused to watch them for a minute.

 

“I can’t believe you guys managed to hide that from me for so long,” Tony gasped when he finally got a hold of his sense again.

 

“It’s not funny, Tony,” Steve stated.

 

“Oh yes it is and now I shall lord it over you forever,” Tony sneered.

 

“Yeah, we’ll see what you say when Natalia finds out you were riffling through the private contents of her home office,” Steve smirked. “And that her two little Jelly Beans had to witness your stolen data at such a young age. Oh, and you did lose them for the third time this year.”

 

Tony’s expression sobered immediately.

 

“You were digging in my mom’s office?” Demelza yelped. “She’s really going to kick you hard!”

 

@>-`-,----

 

Winter 2024

“Generally, parents don’t look this pained while watching their kid’s skit in a talent show,” Clint Barton remarked. “And Demelza is really good, so why do you two look like you’re willing yourselves to remain in the room?”

 

Natalia Rogers sighed and answered her best friend: “We are. The choice of song is not particularly welcome at this present moment.”

 

“‘I saw Mommy kissing Santa Clause’? She’s eight. I think that’s an okay choice,” Clint replied with a frown. The Rogers, Bartons, Barnes and Wilsons were watching Demelza perform in her elementary school’s Holiday Season Talent Show and the little girl had chosen to sing and tap dance to the popular festive tune. Surprisingly, Tony and Rhodey had teamed up to be the little girl’s coaches. Both men had a common interest in tap dance and had been pretty darn good at it in their younger years. Normally Natalia would have supervised Demelza, but she had never cared much for the dance form and it had not been part of her Red Room curriculum (the only reason Natalia Romanova would have needed tap dance skills was if she had been assigned to infiltrate a film set in the golden era of Hollywood musicals but there was no way that the Red Room would have wanted their Black Widow’s appearance captured on film and broadcast to the world). The trio enjoyed working on Demelza’s routine together, so Natalia happily left them to it.

 

“We do think it’s a good song,” Natalia explained quietly. She might have been discomforted by the performance, but she still did not want to detract from the culmination of all of her daughter’s hard work. “It’s just that we had an incident, and the song choice, which was meant to be a surprise to both Steve and I, is rather ironic.”

 

“How so?” Clint asked, as he settled closer and adopted a gossipy tone. Natalia flicked her gaze at him and returned her eyes to the stage.

 

“Demelza really did see Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night,” Steve grumbled from next to Natalia when she took too long to answer.

 

“Did she see you two… y’know,” Clint exclaimed in a whisper accompanied by a swirling gesture of his wrist.

 

“No!” Steve and Natalia hissed in unison. The couple seated behind them who had begun to lean in to eavesdrop jumped back in surprise. Natalia twisted around to glare at them and they shrunk back into their seats.

 

“I’m waiting on an answer here,” Clint urged, ignoring the eavesdroppers.

 

“You know that I’m going to have to edit out your conversation from the audio, right?” Laura griped from the other side of Clint. She was in charge of taping the talent show performance since all the home videos Laura made of school performances came out brilliantly.

 

“You have that degree from Caltech for a reason,” Clint bantered. His wife playfully stomped on his foot and Clint turned his attention back to the Rogers. Steve had begun to blush. “Spill before I come up with a way to interrogate Demelza on it in a public setting where there are microphones nearby.”

 

“We were just making out,” Natalia groaned. “Steve was trying out his Santa suit for that morning show that the Avengers are appearing on. Tony had it sent over last night and asked if it was finally the right fit.”

 

“Even I thought the trousers were like grandpa-trousers,” Steve interjected.

 

“Santa pants _are_ grandpa-trousers,” Clint retorted with a shake of his head.

 

“Well, if you’re going to have Thor, Bucky, Sam and Steve ripping their jackets off to bare their chests on national television then the trousers should fit right,” Natalia argued. “You can’t _do_ a sexy Santa half way.”

 

“Yes, that would be torture on the poor man,” Clint teased.

 

“A sexy Santa theme,” Natalia clarified with over-enunciated words.

 

“So the kids saw you in the suit. They’re old enough to know Santa’s not real- Nat you cried about that a couple of years back already. You ruined my Frosty the Snowman sweater with your mascara- I thought you’d forever converted to waterproof, but I guess I was wrong,” Clint chattered.

 

“That sweater was already hideous,” Natalia protested.

 

“That was the point,” Clint countered.

 

“The two of you are digressing; me and the Harpers behind us want to know what happened,” Laura interrupted calmly. Natalia glared at the couple behind them again.

 

The feisty redhead resumed her whispered account: “Demelza apparently spotted us, and did not recognise Steve. She consulted with her brother, and they both agreed that the white-bearded man accosting their mother was a villainous stranger. Steve may have had me pinned against the fireplace mantle and I may have been playing at struggling against his grasp.”

 

Clint snorted, and the people in the row before theirs shushed him.

 

“They came tearing downstairs,” Natalia continued, “James actually somersaulted down from the landing. We should really consider getting him into diving lessons.”

 

“The end result is that I got kicked in the balls,” Steve hurriedly finished off his wife’s retelling of the previous night’s events. Clint stared at him incredulously, Bucky leaned forward to stare at his best friend in sympathy from the other side of Steve, Sam hissed in commiseration further down the line and Mr Harper behind him laid a supportive hand on Steve’s shoulder.

 

“Consequently we had a very awkward conversation trying to explain what had happened to two eight year olds who started crying once their father’s fake beard fell off as he rolled around on the floor,” Natalia expounded. “It took them ages to get to sleep.”

 

“Having taken super-soldier serum does not lessen the pain of a hit to the groin,” Steve murmured tersely. “You do still piss blood. You do still need ice. Also, super-soldier strength was definitely passed on to both our kids.”

 

Just then the crescendo of Demelza’s performance ended and the audience gave her a standing ovation. James would be up with his comedy magic show after two more acts. The parents settled down again to watch the next act, and Steve’s careful movements to sit were obvious to the informed eye.

 

“Yeah, that song was definitely too soon,” Mr Harper remarked from the row behind. 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought it be good to get into the Christmas mood with the end segment of this chapter. I have Christmas ideas but I don’t know if I’ll finish writing them before Christmas. The ‘Mr Rogers’ theme song as a ringtone for Tony was inspired by Phoebe_Snow’s story, ‘The Blond and The Beautiful’ so a nod to her (^^,). That theme song is delightful and I think it should be part of the soundtrack for this Romanogers ship of which we happen to be part of the crew, but I also think Tony would somehow find it hilariously apt for Steve.


End file.
